Episode 8 - Lower Your Stress And Anxiety

Living in a “rest and relax” mode is key to conceiving successfully. In this episode, Josie shares their ten favorite techniques to instantly reduce stress and anxiety and fill your mind and body with feelings of peace and calm. You can use these tools anytime, anywhere to clear stress hormones from your body faster than any drug. 

[ID: Josie stands in front of a fence and greenery, holding a cup of tea and staring into the distance.]

Episode Transcript:

I'm Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier and this is the Intersectional Fertility Podcast, where ideas and identities intersect to deepen our understanding of fertility, and ultimately our whole selves.

Hello friends! Today we're going to talk about how to lower our stress and anxiety levels. This is a huge topic that keeps coming up over and over, in my clinical practice, with friends and family, in discussions with colleagues. It's just a hot topic, especially since the pandemic started over a year and a half ago. So, I'm going to give you lots of tools today to fill up your anti-anxiety, de-stress toolbox.

So, these are strategies and techniques that you'll be able to do at any time, in any scenario pretty much. And they will immediately give you feelings of peace and calm by flipping the switch from that fight or flight mode in your brain to that rest and relaxation mode. So, I won't get too much into the science of it and how it works. But just know that all of these techniques that I'm teaching you today, are basically talking to your reptilian brain, and making that switch flip from what we call the sympathetic nervous system, which is in charge of that fight or flight response. And we're flipping that switch to our parasympathetic nervous system, which is that rest and relaxation response. So, that's what all of these techniques will do.

I'm going to go through each one. But don't feel like you have to write them all down. If you're not in a position to, you can always go to the show notes on my website. And a few days after the episode drops, there will be a written transcript. And it may not appear right away. But if you check back in a couple days, it should be there. So, you can just go to intersectionalfertility.com/podcast, and search for this episode, it should be episode eight.

So, most of the folks that come to see me are either coming to see me to reduce their stress and anxiety, or they don't know that that's what they're coming to see me for. So, I'd say 100% of the patients that I'm treating, I am addressing stress and anxiety and lowering those levels. So, it really is across the board something that is at the root of a lot of fertility issues that show up and also just in general, all sorts of other health issues that show up.

So, you know, this was an issue before the pandemic, but of course, it really skyrocketed, you know, with the pandemic. And again, I'm seeing another spike in my private practice now that things are going back to “normal,” whatever that means anymore. But it's, you know, it's bringing with that a whole other set of, of stressors with folks who have been working remotely for the past year and a half are now trying to decide, whether to go back in person or are being forced to go back in person and don't want to or, all these ways in which we're kind of being forced to reenter capitalism, basically, and reenter, you know, our old, really highly productive, highly stressful lifestyles. So, I am seeing another spike in patients having trouble conceiving and having trouble managing stress anxiety levels, and not sleeping well, and having digestive issues, and, you know, all of these things that come from, you know, functioning at that high level of stress day to day.

I think working in the fertility realm during a pandemic has been challenging. It's been really challenging to try to work with folks and basically try to trick everyone's nervous systems into thinking we're not in a pandemic, you know, it's been tricky. So, yes, I've had my work cut out for me.

Also, you know another point I wanted to mention, too, is that the way that our culture is structured is stressful, right? I mean, there is, like I mentioned, we're in a capitalist society. We're also in a patriarchal society, a cis-heteronormative society, a white supremacist society. So, there's all these layers of stress that we have to constantly navigate, you know, as queer folks, as gender queer folks, and as people of color as well. So, there's just all these nuances and multitudes of, of stress going on at any given moment.

So, it's one thing to say, you know, eat right, and exercise and take care of yourself and go to bed on time. And, you know, all of these things, things sound simple enough. But when you think about it, logistically, just in terms of living in our culture, how do we get affordable health care, you know, some of us don't have access to that, or how do we have access to affordable housing, or a safe place to exercise or healthy food to eat or clean water to drink, as our environments are becoming more and more toxic.

So, it's just, I just want to acknowledge and point out that this is hard. And so, if you feel stressed, or you feel like you're doing it wrong, you're not, we are living in a really hard environment, to feel our best selves all the time. And to feel like we're not weighted down by stress and anxiety. I mean, I'd say it's a constant battle, it's a constant struggle in the culture that we're living in. So, I just want to give you a big virtual hug. And reach out to you and just let you know that you're doing great, and this is hard. And here's some more tools for your toolbox.

So, I want to describe the difference of what happens in our bodies from a fertility standpoint, when we're stressed. Just so you can kind of visualize why it's so important to lower our stress and anxiety levels in order to conceive, specifically to conceive, which is what we're focusing on, but also just to increase our wellbeing, and to feel like we have a higher quality of life.

So, when we're stressed when we're functioning at high stress levels, day to day, we are basically sending signals throughout our body, in the form of chemical messengers that become hormones. And they activate or deactivate the fertile pathways in our body. And when we're stressed those pathways, those fertile pathways get shut down. Because our brain says, Oh, no, we're in danger. There's a flood, there's a war, there's a famine, there's a pandemic. And we must not bring a baby into this world. So, let's shut down the fertile pathways and focus on pushing out our blood flow to our limbs, our hands and our legs and our feet so that we can fight for our lives or run for our lives. That's what our body is registering when we're functioning at those high stress levels. So, that's not what we want.

So, we want to essentially trick our nervous systems into thinking that the opposite is true. So, we want to send signals of safety and peace and calm and relaxation, so that all the blood flow can gather and center and go back to our internal organ systems and away from our limbs. So, you know, we want the blood flow to go back to our digestion and our reproductive organs, most specifically. So that's our goal is to lower our stress and anxiety level so that we're functioning more and more often, at that rest and relaxation mode, so that we're sending signals to our fertility pathways right in the form of hormones, that we want to stay nice and fertile, and that we do want to bring a baby into the world, and that this baby will be cared for and safe and fed and sheltered and loved.

So, the trouble is that most of the things that we reach for when we are feeling this high stress and anxiety is what we call “Liver Loaders” in Western medicine. So, they tend to be caffeine or alcohol, or sugar, or marijuana. So, these are all really great things to temporarily bring us relief, but they actually cause more what we call Liver Qi stagnation in the long run. So, it actually creates this vicious cycle. Where it keeps us in this mode of high anxiety, where we actually need more of these substances to feel calm. So, it's not a sustainable, long-term solution. And it's not healthy for us, unfortunately.

But you know, I'm also definitely of the mindset of meeting people where they're at, and harm reduction. So, you know, lessening, you know, the amount of caffeine or alcohol, or smoking or sugar, rather than trying to cut it out entirely, you know, sometimes cutting things out entirely is not realistic, or helpful. Sometimes that can be more stressful than anything. So, there's nuance there.

So, I try to, again, meet people where they're at, and be really kind to yourself, when you are, you know, trying to move away from a vice that has been bringing you comfort, or some pleasure. And rather than trying to remove it completely, or go cold turkey, you know, I always recommend slowly decreasing whatever it is the substance, and replacing it with something that also brings you pleasure, so, so that there's something to fill that void. So, we don't want to just take away your pacifier or your blankie, or your security thing, like, we don't want to just take that away, and then you're just fending for yourself.

So, you know, try to, you know, think about what kind of things can also bring you pleasure. And I would make a list. I oftentimes recommend folks to make a pleasure list in their phone, or on a piece of paper. And just keep that handy. So, it's not like you have to rethink it all the time. It's just something that you can access, and refer to when you when you're feeling stressed, or instead of reaching for the second or third cup of coffee, you could reach for your meditation app, or you could go on a walk around the block, or you could call a friend, or pour a really special a cup of tea, or whatever it is. So having that list handy is helpful.

Tools to Lower Anxiety and Stress

So, let's dive into the tools. So, these are the quick and easy simple de stress, an anti-anxiety tools that I'm going to share with you to fill up your toolbox. And these, I also recommend kind of having on hand in some way. So, keeping a short little list again, in your phone or on a piece of paper nearby where you can access it easily. So, that you can remember easily one of these things that you can do. So, you don't have to try to think about it and you know, stress yourself out more. We don't want that.

1. Belly Breathing

So, the first one is belly breathing, which if you've spent any time around me at all, you've heard me say this a million times, it is one of my favorite techniques, because it is so effective, so easy, you can do it anywhere. And it works instantly. All of these techniques work instantly. But I just I really love this one, and I get really good feedback from it.

So, if you want to learn more about why it works, you can go back and listen to the episode where I talked about how to create a fertile environment in your body. And I go into more detail about why that belly breathing works. For today, I'll just teach you how to do it. And you can just know that what it does is it eliminates stress hormones from your body faster than any drug, it just immediately flips that switch from fight or flight to rest and relax.

So, what you want to do is just make sure that your back is supported. So, you can be sitting in a chair, you could be lying down on your back, just anywhere where you can rest your back against something because if your back is not supported, then your belly has to engage a little bit to help hold your backup. And then it can't relax all the way, which is our main goal with this exercise is to let our belly relax all the way. So, I always tell folks this is a great thing that you can do while driving. You can do it while you're at a doctor's appointment while you're working. If you tend to be in front of the computer sitting in a chair. You can do it while you're lying down at night, trying to fall asleep is a great time to do it. Also, if you are getting regular acupuncture, I always tell my patients to practice this technique while they're lying on the treatment table.

So, what you want to do is place your hands under your belly button on your lower abdomen. And when you take a breath in, you want to let your belly expand into your hands. And then when you exhale, your belly can go back towards your body or back down. So, we'll try it. Ready? Wherever you are. If you can lean back on something, if you can't, no worries, if you're walking or out doing something, you can try this later. But if you are somewhere where you can sit and lean your back against something, let's try it together. Alright, so lean your back against the chair or a surface that you're lying on and take a breath in. Let your belly expand, and then let it out. And let your belly contract. And we'll do another one.

Inhale. And exhale. Isn't that nice? How do you feel?

I love this one, I just feel instantly calm. It's amazing. This is my favorite one for sure. So, keep that in your pocket. For next time you're feeling stressed. The next tool in your toolbox is one that I also love. It's similar. Oh, and before I move on, something I wanted to say about that belly breathing is that you don't have to do big belly breaths, it doesn't have to be a big breath. The volume of the breath can be normal, you know, the normal volume of your regular breaths. It's more the location that's important. So, I don't want you hyperventilating and taking huge belly breaths, you can just do normal size, but from your belly, instead of up in your chest area, which is where we tend to normally breathe.

2. Breathing Into Your Back

Okay, moving on to the next tool is also a breathing exercise. And this one, instead of breathing into the belly, I want you to breathe into the bottom back of your lungs. So, this takes some visualization. And you want to just imagine where your lungs or the bottom of your lungs are. So those are going to be sort of your mid back area. And then we want to go to the backside of our lungs. So again, right around that mid back area. And when you take a breath, and I want you to just imagine the breath going all the way down and filling the bottom back of your lungs. So, we'll try it ready.

[Inhale. Exhale]

I love that. Did you feel that? It feels like my lungs expand bigger than normal when I do that, that kind of breath. So that's a really powerful one. And this is bringing to mind the episode that I did with Pati Garcia. So, if you have not heard that one, go back and listen to that one. And they will teach you about bottom breathing, which was something that I learned about in that episode. And it was fascinating to me. So, I'm going to add that in there as a bonus tool [laughs]. ‘

3. Activate Your Peripheral Vision

All right, so the next one is activating your peripheral vision. So, this works because when you're in fight or flight mode, your vision is also focused in front of you to identify the threat, so that you know what to fight or run away from. So, when your peripheral vision is activated, your body is telling you that you're actually in rest and relaxation mode, because you can afford to widen your horizons and look beyond what's in front of you, you know, you can really see more of a 180-degree view. So, the best way to do this is to reach your arms out all the way, extend your arms out on either side of you. And then slowly while looking forward, slowly bring them closer to the center of your body until you can see both of your hands in your peripheral vision. And this will just activate that part of your brain that is saying, oh, we're in rest and relaxation mode. Because we don't have to be searching for predators right now basically is what we're trying to tell our brain. So that's a good one, you, you may not be able to reach your hands out in every situation, you might be somewhere where you can't do that. But if you are somewhere where you can reach your hands out like that, that's a really good one to do.

4. Self Hug

The next one I love, it's a self-hug. It's exactly what it sounds like. Just wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a good squeeze. And let it feel really comforting and tight and warm. And this again, just activates all those good, good hormones and de-stress hormones. It's a really great calming experience that you can do anywhere.

5. Touch Your Face

The next one is touching your own face. So, of course, wash your hands before you do this one. And I love it. Because when I first started doing it, I realized how little I touched my own face, it's kind of like, I feel as adults we are sort of taught to stop touching our faces. And also for you know, skin issues. If you have ever struggled with acne or anything, it's like you don't want to touch your face, because you don't want it to break out or be oily or anything. So again, just wash your hands before and that will really take care of that problem. And it just feels so soothing and so nice. A lot of times, what I'll do is just have my full hand on the side of my face, while I'm falling asleep. And that can really help with calming my nervous system before bedtime.

6. Massage Your Ears

Okay, the next one is massaging the ears. So, I love this one so much, I used to joke that this is like giving yourself a full body massage. And it really is because in Chinese medicine, the entire body is represented on the ear. So, if you can imagine an image of a baby in utero, or a fetus in utero, that where the head is towards the bottom, and the spine, you know, is curved, you know, off to the side, and then the feet and legs are sort of curled inwards on the top. And then if you can overlay that image on top of the shape of your ear, if you can imagine that, so that your earlobe is where the fetal head would be. And then the outer rim of your ear is where the spine aligns, and then the top of your ear and kind of curling back in is where the legs and knees and feet kind of fold in and wrap and fall back in towards the body.

So, in Chinese medicine, there are acupuncture points on the ear that correlate to these different parts of the body. So, if we want to treat the head for example, like to treat a headache or anything going on with the head, we would treat the ear lobe area where that fetal head would be. And then if we want to treat the neck or the back or low back area, we put needles in the outer part of the ear right there on the outer rim of the ear. And then if we want to treat like any sort of internal organ issues, or things like that, then we treat the inner whorls of the ears - not the ear canal, not that far in - but the sort of like the flatter cartilage part on the inside.

So, by massaging the whole entire ear, like really get into those nooks and crannies, and you can do one ear at a time or you can do them both at the same time and really increase your pleasure. And what happens is you can really massage all the parts of your body. And also, you can balance and regulate your hormone systems and your internal organs. So, really take your time and really go into all the crevices and give yourself a good ear massage and it just works wonders. I love that one.

7. Lavender Essential Oil

An old favorite I've done for a long time is to use lavender essential oil. And if you have access to this, this is a great thing to carry with you to just have on your person at all times, like a little vial of it. And what you can do is just put a couple dabs on your temples. So, your temple area is the area in between the side of your eye and in front of your hairline. That's your temple area. So just put a little dab there on each side. And then that is close enough to your nose where you can really smell it. And just smelling that lavender will be instantly calming. Sometimes I recommend even doing a couple dabs right under your nose. For some folks, that's too intense, but some people really love it. So, you can play around with that, and see how close to your nose you want that lavender scent. But that's an instant de-stressor, I love that tool.

8. Press On Your Eyeballs

(*Do not use if you have low blood pressure)

Another one is to press on your eyeballs. So, this is great if you especially if you tend to spend long hours in front of a computer screen. And also, it's really great if you tend to have high blood pressure. So, if you tend to have low blood pressure, then definitely do not do this exercise, because it can lower your blood pressure even more. So that is my disclaimer for this one for this tool. So, folks with low blood pressure, don't do this. But if you have normal blood pressure, orespecially if you tend to have high blood pressure, what you want to do is lean your elbows on a desk or a table right in front of you while you're sitting down. And then rest your eyes closed into the palms, the heel of the palms of your hands. So, each heel of each palm goes in each eyeball. It's hard to describe. But I hope that you're with me here. So, you just let your head rest and relax in the palms of your hands, basically. So, the heel of the palm of your hands will really press on your eyeball. And you can stay there for a couple minutes. And it just feels incredible if you have eye fatigue, or if you've been staring at a screen for a long time. So, I tend to do this, you know, every hour. So, if I'm spending a lot of time on the computer, and it just I feel instantly calm. And it really helps to rejuvenate my eyes, your vision will be a bit blurry right after this. So that's normal. So don't be alarmed. If you're like, oh my gosh, I can't see now. It's just what happens when you press on your eyeballs for a little bit. So, I probably wouldn't do it for more than a minute. Because that's really all you need. And it just feels fantastic afterwards.

9. Massage The Base Of Your Skull

The next one is something I've taught my patients for years; I love this one too. So, you want to make a little pointer with your knuckle of your pointer finger. So, I'll fold it over. And so that my knuckle is forming a sharp little pointer. And then I'll massage the base of my skull, where the back of my neck and the base of my skull meet. I'll just massage along that whole ridge, I'll press my knuckle into that whole area, sort of going back and forth. So, there's a lot of good acupuncture points along that, that base of your skull, that when you press on them, they'll really release those causes of tension headaches. And you can kind of lean your head back as you do it so that the weight of your head can help to get that knuckle pointer really in there. So that's a really good one.

10. Press On The Yintang point (Third Eye)

And lastly, this is one that I love is pressing on a point in Chinese medicine called yintang. And it exists right between your eyebrows on your forehead. And some folks refer to this area as your third eye - I've heard it referred to as that in yoga or meditation. And in Chinese medicine, this point helps to regulate the pineal gland, because that pineal gland is actually directly behind that point. So we needle it in Chinese medicine, but you can also press on it. Or you can also just think about pressing on it, which I find fascinating that that works. So, if you're somewhere where you can't be touching your face or pressing on your forehead, you can actually just imagine, just put your focus and your energy on that point between your eyebrows. Or you can imagine yourself pressing on it. And just that alone is extremely calming, and regulating. So that's a really good one too.

So those are your new tools and your de stress and anti-anxiety toolbox. Use them well, use them often. And you're doing a great job. Life is hard. And I think that you're doing awesome. I hope this was helpful for you. Thanks so much for joining me and I will see you in the next episode.

If you want to learn more about how to give yourself the best chance of conceiving, having a healthy pregnancy and baby or babies, head over to intersectionalfertility.com/fertile and put your name on the waiting list to be notified when Fertile registration opens. Fertile is a queer, trans and non-binary centered five-week online program for people with wombs to reclaim power over their fertility journey and conceive using the whole self-fertility method. Registration will open this summer.

Thanks for listening to the Intersectional Fertility Podcast. You can find us online at Intersectionalfertility.com and on your favorite podcast platform. If you liked the show and want to hear more, tap subscribe. And please consider leaving us a review. It really truly helps. The intersectional fertility podcast is hosted by me. Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier with audio production by Bryce Anderson-Gregson and music by Jen Korte.

 All content offered through The Intersectional Fertility Podcast is created for informational purposes only, it is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.