Episode 32 - Dominique and Ariel Wilson: Normalizing Black Queer Love

Dominique and Ariel Wilson are a Black queer couple who use social media to create representation and destigmatize Black queer love. They are currently trying to conceive their first child, and discuss their journey on today's episode. Dominique and Ariel both use she/her pronouns.

[ID: A beige background and orange semi-circle. Text reads: The Intersectional Fertility Podcast Episode 32: Dominique and Ariel Wilson @TheWordQueer and Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier @intersectionalfertility.]

Find Dom and Ariel on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook. The Word Queer website.

Episode Transcript

Disclaimer: This is an automatically generated transcript edited to be more readable. It may not be 100% accurate.

[00:00:00] Josie: I am Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier, and this is the Intersectional Fertility Podcast, where ideas and identities intersect to deepen our understanding of fertility and ultimately our whole selves.

[00:00:32] Dominique and Ariel Wilson, owners of The Word Queer, are a Black, queer married couple aiming to normalize and destigmatize Black queer love with their platform based on love and positivity. They want to guide queer women of color through their journey of self-love and acceptance. The Wilsons have been together for almost 10 years and married for almost three in November.

[00:00:55] Dom and Ariel have been trying to conceive for about a year now and often share their TTC journey, the ups and downs on their social platforms.

[00:01:09] Welcome back everyone, and welcome to the podcast Dom and Ariel. 

[00:01:15] Dominique: Thank you, thanks for having us. 

[00:01:17] Ariel: Yes, thank you so much. 

[00:01:18] Josie: Absolutely. So what are your pronouns and where are you joining us from today? 

[00:01:24] Dominique: I guess I'll start. So I'm Dominique, go by Dom. My pronouns are she and her. We're joining from Charlotte, North Carolina.

[00:01:34] Ariel: And hi all. My name is Ariel, pronouns she/her, and like she said, we're in Charlotte. 

[00:01:41] Josie: Nice. So I was introduced to both of you and your story through Mosie Baby, which is the at home insemination kit, and I've loved learning more about your relationship via Instagram. I know you two met at Hampton University in 2012. Is that right? Will you share that story with us?

[00:02:02] Dominique: Yeah, that's it. I always make Ariel share it. I just feel so loved when she shares how we met. 

[00:02:08] Ariel: So let me see if I can do it justice. So we had a class together and she didn't see me, but I had already seen her. And I was trying to figure out like, how do I spark conversation?

[00:02:18] Like how do I speak to this woman who I know, I know she's for me? . I just know, I know that. So the teacher, or the professor, we are doing an assignment. The professor's like "group up with someone." So of course, who am I gonna choose to group up with? with her. So grouped up with her sparked conversation.

[00:02:40] We often talk about how she was singing a song Elle Varner at the time. One of her songs. And I knew that song cause I was obsessed with her at the time, and yeah. That's how we, that's how we really started. I gave her my phone number. She texted me. The rest is history. 

[00:02:56] Dominique: Yep. We've been inseparable ever since.

[00:02:59] Josie: Oh my gosh. That is the most adorable thing I've ever heard. 

[00:03:04] Dominique: Fun fact. I thought she was a slacker when, when we met though. 

[00:03:09] Ariel: Yeah. She didn't, she didn't know the vision. She wasn't picking up what I was putting down, but you know, now she gets it. 

[00:03:15] Josie: Oh my gosh. I love it. What signs are you two? I'm so curious.

[00:03:20] Dominique: I'm an Aquarius and she's a Capricorn. 

[00:03:22] Josie: Okay, okay. Because usually the Capricorns are not the slackers. 

[00:03:27] Ariel: Well, okay, okay. I'm not a slacker. I'm absolutely not. But like in that sense, I was, because I didn't have the supplies or the tools or whatever that was needed. But you know, my grades were good. I did the work, but just in this project, I just, I didn't have it. 

[00:03:46] Dominique: With my first impression. 

[00:03:48] Ariel: Right. 

[00:03:48] Josie: I see. I see. You're quickly corrected. 

[00:03:52] Dominique: Yeah, she overworks and over schedules me. 

[00:03:56] Josie: Yes. Oh my gosh. Yeah. My partner is a Capricorn. So this, I'm speaking from being a partner of a Capricorn. 

[00:04:04] Dominique: What, what's your sign?

[00:04:05] Josie: I'm a Pisces, yeah. So when did each of you know that you wanted to start trying to conceive, and how did you begin doing that? 

[00:04:17] Dominique: So I'll talk about my perspective first. Growing up I always knew I wanted to have children eventually. And so it was all about finding the right partner, but if even if I didn't find the right partner, I knew I was gonna have children.

[00:04:33] So I was ready. And then meeting Ariel I felt like I was in my perfect relationship, so it was easy for me to come to the idea like, Hey, let's have kids soon. Now it was all about really finances that kind of like stopped and made it like not happen as quickly as I would like it too. And also Ariel's take on things because she didn't grow up the same way as me.

[00:04:55] And that's kind of where you come in. 

[00:04:58] Ariel: So yeah, my experiences with having children is a bit different. But I didn't wanna have children. And that's simply because I am a Capricorn and I wanted to work, I wanted to, you know, be a businesswoman. But, being in this great relationship, I found someone where I can do both.

[00:05:16] And so we really started talking about conceiving, maybe about two years ago, I wanna say. And then it was a discussion about how do we, what route do we take? Yeah. We knew about two years ago. 

[00:05:32] Dominique: I would, I would say we talked about it, having children long before two years ago. But I would definitely say that around two years ago, we started having that conversation of how do we do it? And it got so overwhelming for us that we just didn't think about it again until now. 

[00:05:50] Josie: Yeah, totally. That's the overwhelming part is like where to start and how to do it.

[00:05:56] Dominique: Exactly. It's like there's so many ways, so many options that it just feels like which one is the right one for us? So we had to think about that. It was just a lot of decision making that had to come into play and we kind of are indecisive. So it kind of just took a backseat. to life for a little bit. 

[00:06:18] Josie: Yeah, totally. Were you gonna say something, Ariel? 

[00:06:22] Ariel: I was gonna ask, I wanna make sure that I answered your question. What was, can you repeat the question again? 

[00:06:27] Josie: Oh, sure. Yeah. I'm just curious, like when did each of you know, you wanted to start trying to conceive, and then how did you begin?

[00:06:34] So I'm wondering, did you figure out a way? Or have you kind of decided on how to go about it? 

[00:06:41] Ariel: Yeah. So, and that's why you found us through Mosie Baby. We decided the at home route. We contacted a really good friend, which that was a entire process. Like who we go with, like, it's so much. 

[00:06:55] So yeah, we decided with a good friend of Dominique's and you know, he was very grateful. He said he was honored to be a person we chose, so that was fantastic. So yeah, that's how we went with that route. It was the most cost effective. It was really just the best one for us at the time.

[00:07:12] Dominique: It was because I, I know I really gravitated towards, at home insemination because it, like she said, it was cost effective and then it was, it was just something that we could take control of right now, more so than trying to look through donor registries and profiles to go through that process. It just, it added another layer for us.

[00:07:35] So we were like, what is something that we can do right now that we can start and gratefully my friend, He was a perfect person. Like when we thought about if we started this at home, who would we want? He was right up there, number one on the list. So it was just, we felt great that he felt the same way. Like he wanted to help us out in that way, so. 

[00:07:59] Josie: Yeah. That's amazing. What a blessing that that worked out. Yeah. I was just talking to a friend of mine, like that difference between, and I'm curious if you all had this experience of at home inseminating versus like going into a clinic doing IUI and just how much more, it seems to me that it would be so much more calming and you'd have more control over like your environment and your nervous system and the whole experience to be able to do it at home. 

[00:08:29] Dominique: Yeah. We don't have the experience of doing it like, clinically, like that. But I do think like it's, it's been over, it's been about a year for of us trying at home. So I do think we have to start thinking about that as an option for us. We're not ready just yet, but, I'm kind of worried, like you see a lot of social media people post on social media about the hormone injections. 

[00:08:55] The emotions and TTC, like trying to conceive already comes with a lot of emotions, so I'm really nervous about if we do have to do it that way. All the emotions and things that'll come along with that journey. We will if we have to. 

[00:09:14] Josie: Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. And there's a lot of things I think you can do in the clinic, in the clinic setting in order to bring those feelings of safety and peace and intentionality to that process too.

[00:09:31] Ariel: How, how do you bring that to the? 

[00:09:35] Dominique: Personally, I've known, I've seen a couple where they were in a clinical setting and the doctor allowed the partner to inseminate. That makes it a bit more intimate. 

[00:09:46] Josie: Yep. Yeah, totally. And there are also some midwives who will come and do the insemination at your home.

[00:09:54] That's a possibility too. And then something that I go over a lot with my patients is like little simple things like belly breathing, so just breathing from your belly when you take a breath in to push your belly out instead of breathing up here in your chest area. Breathing down in your belly.

[00:10:10] It actually. Signals your parasympathetic nervous system, that rest and relaxation response and it clears stress hormones from your body faster than any drugs. I teach that to all of my patients, to do that, especially in clinical settings. 

[00:10:26] Dominique: Yeah, well, I have to note that. 

[00:10:30] Ariel: Yeah. 

[00:10:33] Josie: Yeah, totally. And I think that's where it can be helpful to be a part of a community of other folks who have gone through this type of stuff. And they can bring their creative ideas of what they have done and what, you know, has worked or hasn't worked for them. 

[00:10:48] So I would love to talk about specifically like what your experience has been like trying to conceive as a Black queer couple and also in North Carolina. 

[00:11:00] Ariel: So we wanted to highlight the fact that when we were choosing, trying to choose a donor, we wanted to go with a Black donor so that our kid could look more like us, but there was a shortage of Black donors. And we thought that was interesting. We were okay with choosing a different race, but, you know. It stood out to us that they're not Black. There are very few Black donors. 

[00:11:29] Dominique: Another thing that makes me nervous about a clinical setting of trying to conceive is the statistics of Black maternal health. So that's, that's always in the back of my mind. I haven't personally dealt with any racism or any other like type of discrepancies like that in a healthcare setting, but so many people have. And so it is, it's a real fear cuz it's a real thing that's happening. So I think that kind of drove our decision to try at home too.

[00:11:59] Josie: Absolutely. Yep. Yep. To both of those things for sure. I think that's where a doula can come in really handy to have that a that other layer of advocacy for you in that setting. 

[00:12:15] And I'm curious too about like what The Word Queer is. Like what is it? How did it start? What inspired you to create it? 

[00:12:24] Dominique: We had been dating for years, but we didn't really feel like our family and friend groups kind of like treated us, like, as we were in a full relationship. We felt like we were treated as best friends or the girls. So we thought a way to show them kind of is to show it on Instagram. Everybody's gonna follow us, like all of our family and friends are gonna follow us and they'll see our content and they'll see us interacting as a normal couple, just like them.

[00:12:58] And so it'll kind of normalize it and we can begin to be more of ourselves in front of them. We didn't know that it was gonna like, take off. We, we didn't know it was gonna take off and resonate with so many people. So many people have never seen. Black women being intimate online, or in general.

[00:13:20] So many people just resonated with our stories individually, our coming out stories and it just took off like that. So that's where it started, and now we just use it as a space where we just want to, since we identify as Black queer women. We first wanna be a space for Black queer women to have representation.

[00:13:43] But at the heart of it, we just wanna be representation for anybody in a queer community who's feeling, who needs a safe space, who wants to feel normalized in who they are. So that's what we do now, and that's why we just continue to share because we know someone out there, even if it's just one person can benefit. 

[00:14:01] And we can benefit a lot from a lot of other people's stories. We hear a lot of stories. People tell us about their lives and so we get a lot of benefits from hearing listening, so yeah, it's awesome. 

[00:14:14] Josie: Yeah. That's incredible. 

[00:14:16] Ariel: The Word Queer has been personally empowering. Yes it began because we were not being seen or we weren't feeling respected as a queer couple in our Black community, which that is very true. But personally I've been more reserved in life. And so by having a place to express all parts of me has been very, very, it's been an emotional process.

[00:14:44] It's been, or an emotional journey. That's what I wanted to say, an emotional, spiritual journey. And that is what The Word Queer has done for me personally. I love it. 

[00:14:54] Josie: That's incredible. And that's so cool to hear how it's become a two-way exchange. Like it's also been beneficial for you two. 

[00:15:02] Dominique: It really has. So many people have such heartwarming stories and they've been through so many just amazing journeys. And just to see how they view their outcomes now and how, like the type of work they do now. How they like to give back to their communities. It's just inspiring. So, it's definitely one of the major things that keep, that makes us continue to share.

[00:15:28] Josie: Yeah, I bet that's so cool. And that's wild just how I mean, just the fact that you did grow your following so quickly and unexpectedly. It's like that's how necessary that type of representation is. 

[00:15:43] Ariel: That's a good point. I keep a picture where we were like, thanks for 600 followers. I was so excited about having 600 followers cuz we had started when the page was at 400.

[00:15:52] We were so excited. We were like, all right, this is it. Great. But then it continued to grow and it continued to grow. And I mean, it really is fantastic. To see that so many people are finding what they need in us. And it's really, it's, it's so impactful for us, for them. I don't know, it's just, it's just a beautiful journey.

[00:16:19] Dominique: It definitely makes me feel like we're not alone. And it makes me feel like that. I know it makes so many other people feel like that. So to see it grow so much I had, you know, you think you're, you only know what you know. So in your box of people and experiences and their experiences, you can only, you're limited to what you know. 

[00:16:44] So like expanding that on social media, it expanded our connections and so we get, our perspectives can change in so many different ways. 

[00:16:54] Ariel: Can I interrupt? Sorry. That's my favorite part about social media is the fact that you. You get an inside view into other people's lives. It's really important to be able to step outside of what, you know, cause that's a very limited, that's a very limited life, very limited beliefs.

[00:17:10] And yeah, that, that's my favorite part about social media. Now of course there, you know, other parts, but how we use it, we use it as a resource to be a tool. 

[00:17:19] Josie: Yeah, absolutely. And I'm thinking back to my, I heard you mention your coming out stories, how people could resonate with your coming out stories.

[00:17:27] And I remember when I was first coming out, how desperate I felt. For looking for other people who, where I could feel that they were similar to me in any way, had any part of their story that was similar to mine. Like I just felt so isolated, so alone where I just, I just remember actually using Instagram quite a bit to like find other accounts, other people.

[00:17:57] Who were also queer, also Latinx, also non-binary, also a parent, you know, all these different parts of myself. Yeah. That I was like, where are, where are they? I can't be the only one. 

[00:18:10] Dominique: That's kinda how we use, before we were on Instagram, we used YouTube a lot. So we, we would find a lot of couples on YouTube. And it wasn't until we started our page that we started noticing even more couples. It's like, where have you been? 

[00:18:29] Josie: Yeah. Totally. Oh, I love that. Yeah. That's cool. 

[00:18:34] Ariel: I think another thing that helps us resonate with other Black queer people, cuz I think we, we aim to look relatable. We don't aim to look like we have a million dollars, or look like we have fancy cars. We're not, we're not trying to do that. We're really showcasing like what we do like every day. But every single day we're a happy Black queer couple. So I think that is what attracts others to us. 

[00:19:05] Josie: Totally, totally. Cuz it's, it's literally normalizing because it's like, Yeah. It's making it like everyone can, you know, see that you're a normal couple.

[00:19:16] Yeah. I'm so curious to know, did this work or help just for your family to see or treat you differently, or? 

[00:19:24] Ariel: That's a good question. 

[00:19:25] Dominique: That's a, that is a good question. I don't think I've ever thought about that. 

[00:19:28] Ariel: I would say the answer is absolutely yes. I think it helped certain. You think no?

[00:19:35] Dominique: I think it helped, but I think it helped us more. I think it helped us become more comfortable with being a couple and doing coupley things in front of them. So that's how I think it changed. 

[00:19:49] Ariel: I can see that. I can see that Because honestly, and I, I don't want to sound like I'm badmouthing what we have built. But honestly if you are comfortable with yourself, you don't need like social media. You don't need, other avenues to be your true, authentic self. And so I agree with you that it helped us be more comfortable with who we are. And so that's what I was saying earlier.

[00:20:15] It's been personally empowering to be my full self. Like even in being Black and queer, I wasn't always my full authentic self in different spaces. And so yeah, I do think that, so my answer is still yes. I do think it helped, the family see us, because I don't think that we are referred to as the girls anymore because grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles are following us. 

[00:20:38] We're not like the hidden Black queers over there in the corner, right? They're actually seeing our personalities and our identities, which they were not before. They would have to pick up the phone to call us to see how we're doing and they weren't gonna do that.

[00:20:50] But now, we're a topic in the house now. Now you have to see us. Now, you do believe what we're saying now. You do believe that we're happy. Now you do believe that we are in that, you can see, same sex women, same sex loving couples and be in happy relationships. 

[00:21:10] Josie: Totally. Ugh, that's amazing.

[00:21:12] I'm so happy to hear that. And I feel a lot of that, you know, in my own community and with my partner. I think very often we're in situations where I feel really self-conscious of like not appearing too couple-y, or not having, not being too affectionate, or fearing what other people are thinking about us or even feeling safe or not safe.

[00:21:38] I think a lot of times that comes up for me where I am lacking that confidence of feeling like, I don't know if people view us as a legit couple. If some people see that or don't see that, and I'm always wondering, you know? So, yeah. What a gift you're giving to people. This is huge.

[00:22:02] Ariel: Thank you, thanks for that. And I think we still do have those fears. I think we've done a lot of work to mitigate them. And we continue to do that work. But those fears, they come up but a lot more infrequently than they used to. They used to be, we were consumed by the thought at first of what other people thought. Of what other people thought. But now not so much. 

[00:22:30] Dominique: But I think that's very normal in the queer world. Because we have a lot of things going against saying that what we are doing, which is living our normal lives, and be our authentic selves, is wrong. So, it's very normal to have that fear, have that anxiety about being yourself.

[00:22:53] No matter how long ago you've came out, come out or if you've just come out, I feel like it's always gonna, there's always gonna be that thought. But it's how you choose to respond to it that's gonna really help you in your day-to-day life. 

[00:23:13] Josie: Yeah, totally. I love that you've really actively decided how to deal with that, those fears of just like really making your own space for yourselves and showing the world this actually, we're not just gonna sit here.

[00:23:30] Ariel: Yeah. 

[00:23:30] Dominique: And when it does come up, we have to have a conversation about it because there's times where I'm feeling more, a little bit more self-conscious or one of us will be feeling a little bit more self-conscious about appearing super, like doing PDA or, not even just holding hands. And we'll have to take a step back and talk about it. Like, why are you feeling this way? What are the triggers right now in this space? Like, is it something you can get over right now? Do you want to try to get over it in this space?

[00:24:04] Or do you need this to, do you need us to not appear like that in this way? What do you need? So I think it's just, especially if you are in a, in a relationship, it does take that communication, that open communication. And then if you're not in a relationship, I think it takes you having that communication with yourself, like listening to your body and just checking in with yourself. And doing what you feel comfortable with in that moment. 

[00:24:33] Josie: Yeah, I love that I can think of so many times where I have felt those feelings and I don't know that my partner and I have ever explicitly talked about it. So I think that's a wonderful idea to just really, and even in the moment to address it in the moment.

[00:24:51] Dominique: The feelings are raw then. 

[00:24:53] Josie: Right, right. Totally, so cool. So I'm wondering kind of going back a little bit to the conception process. I'm wondering what has been the hardest part for each of you of trying to conceive and what's been the best part? 

[00:25:11] Ariel: The hardest part for me is, like having a lack of control in the process. I don't have any, you know, and like really having to take a backseat to what happens. Like, there are a lot of things we can control, like tracking and how we feel about things. And how we respond and that's cool, but whether we get that positive or not, that's beyond my control. 

[00:25:45] And also being the non-gestational parent is difficult. That comes with a lot of emotions. And so while I would, while I take a backseat in some things, I didn't realize how much it was affecting me emotionally. Until I start talking about it. But my first response is to make sure she's okay because she's the one carrying. And so that's, that those have been the hardest parts for me. 

[00:26:14] Dominique: For me, the hardest part I would say is trying to separate what I expected to happen versus my reality. I grew up being told that, you know, one day you're gonna be married, one day you're gonna have kids and you're gonna be a wife and be with your kids and be live this perfect life.

[00:26:37] And so I'm growing up like, yeah, I'm gonna get pregnant and I'm gonna have so many babies. And no, I didn't know about the hardships of that can occur during pregnancy. I didn't know, even if you don't face any hardships that it can be a process to get pregnant.

[00:26:55] And so it wasn't until I'm trying myself that I'm having this reality check. And so it hit me hard when the first no happened. And then the second one, and then the third one. After that, we had to take a break because I just couldn't, I couldn't figure out, I thought something was wrong with my body.

[00:27:19] I didn't know that even people in who have healthy wombs and do everything to the tea could take some time getting pregnant. I just, I never knew that. So it really hit me hard. And then once I did the research, talked to friends, like, I was able to come, kind of bring myself to the reality of it all and normalize that, okay, this is gonna take some time.

[00:27:49] And I just keep telling myself, this is gonna take some time. And it will happen when it is supposed to happen. As long as we just keep doing what we're supposed to do. 

[00:27:58] Josie: Yeah, totally. And what are the best parts? Are there any best parts? 

[00:28:03] Ariel: Yeah, I think there have been some great parts. When we started, we didn't know what we were doing and that's just what it was. We didn't know what we were doing, but our communication got a lot stronger. It got so much stronger, and I don't even really know how to explain it. Like we weren't, it's like we weren't even listening to our bodies.

[00:28:26] We weren't listening to ourselves, we weren't listening to the other person. We were bickering quite a bit in the beginning, but now it's such a beautiful process. When we do conceive, I don't know why there was a question mark, but when we do conceive like it's such a beautiful process and that's because it's taken us time to get here. To learn how to communicate our needs during this time. 

[00:28:53] Josie: Totally. That's beautiful. 

[00:28:55] Dominique: I would say the best part has been learning together in it, but while learning together also, because again, we didn't know what we were doing, but I liked that. I liked that we were at the same place in it.

[00:29:14] I liked that it was something that we could do together and research together and read, and then also kind of, what you said, it made our communication better. But what helped that is us taking a hold of our spirituality during the journey. So tantric exercises, we did a lot of those.

[00:29:37] We do a lot of those to make sure that we are connecting beyond words. And I feel like we didn't start that until we began our conception journey. And so I really think that is my favorite thing. 

[00:29:56] Josie: Wow, that's incredible. What are tantric exercises? I'm so curious. 

[00:30:01] Ariel: So tantric exercises are ways to deepen the connection. And it can be they're intimate. It's very intimate. It's all very intimate, but there it's sexuals and non-sexual. 

[00:30:13] Dominique: So there's like eye gazing where you just stare deeply into each other's eyes. You start out, you can start out in small increments of time, two to three minutes of uninterrupted eye gazing. Some people do it up for up to 20 minutes. We haven't made it that far. 

[00:30:33] Josie: I feel like I would just start laughing. 

[00:30:35] Dominique: Yeah. That was at first. Yes, that was us at first. But there's deep breathing kind of what you were saying, like with the belly breathing and everything.

[00:30:46] So it's a lot of that, but just doing it together. Heart to heart, just, that nice touch of one your hand on your partner's heart. Your hand on your heart, and just breathing together and just listening to each other's bodies. 

[00:31:00] Ariel: And I was gonna add music. There's, we just YouTube tantric music. And that's what we listen to while we're conceiving. So it's amazing. I love it. I love it. It really just takes it from being, feeling like a, sometimes a clinical process, to feeling like our own. So it really deepened the connection during that very intimate moment.

[00:31:35] Josie: That's incredible. Literally no one has ever brought that up. I've never heard of it for, and especially used in this context, which I think is brilliant. And I'm just thinking too, I wonder if you could like, put it on headphones, like in the clinic setting, you know, that music bring it with you. 

[00:31:58] Ariel: I guess you could. I don't see why not. 

[00:32:03] Josie: They don't have to know what you're listening to. 

[00:32:06] Dominique: That's true. That's a good idea. 

[00:32:09] Josie: Yeah. How do, where, where do you learn tantric connection. These, like these techniques. Did you have like a special place where you learned it? 

[00:32:19] Dominique: No, so honestly, I saw a TikTok video, TikTok university.

[00:32:23] Josie: Oh my gosh, TikTok, amazing.

[00:32:30] Dominique: And it was, it was this couple and they were doing one of the hand to heart breathing exercises and I'm curious all the time. So I always dig deeper into things. So I go, I went, I just kind of like searched through their page. And they kept using this word tantric.

[00:32:49] Which made me research tantric and bring it into our relationship. And she was really receptive. Ariel was really receptive. And then we just, it's just been something that we love to do. 

[00:33:01] Josie: Wow. Okay, so I'm just picturing myself how I would learn more about this. I would just Google like tantric. 

[00:33:09] Dominique: So you have to be careful with Googling it because it is. I feel like Google leans more towards the sexual aspect of it while sexual, like, while there's nothing wrong with like sexuality and sex. If you want more of the, like the connection building part of it, you just have to kind of like read, filter through all of that. Cuz I, because I feel like the sexual aspect comes after. The connection. 

[00:33:37] Josie: It's like a natural, almost a natural progression, yeah. Oh, that's so fascinating. I love this. I feel like everyone's gonna be Googling tantric connection exercises. Oh, that's so cool. Well, this kind of goes into my, what I wanted to talk to you more about too is like if you have any words of encouragement that you would like to share with other queer people of the global majority, or people of color in our audience who are trying to conceive currently or who would like to. 

[00:34:12] Dominique: I would say my biggest piece of advice is to listen to your body and do what your body needs you to do in that moment.

[00:34:21] I know that the process could feel rushed because you are kind of on a time thing. You have to make sure everything lines up to hit that perfect day. But sometimes your body just might not be ready for it at that time, and that's okay. Waiting a month is not gonna hurt as much as you might think it will, you might be more ready. So I would just say definitely just listen to your body cues and follow that. 

[00:34:51] Ariel: I agree with that completely. I'm kind of gonna piggyback off that but I wanna speak to non-gestational parents. We play a vital role in the process, but I think our journeys can maybe get overshadowed by what's going on with the person that is carrying or gestational. But I encourage, you know the non-gestational parents to check in with themselves mentally, spiritually, and emotionally while going throughout this journey. Because we are important as well. 

[00:35:33] Josie: Totally, totally. I love that. Thank you. Yeah, that's such great advice. I especially love, cuz this comes up all the time when I'm working with folks is that they feel like waiting one month is gonna be, you know, waiting is so hard anyway, in this process and then waiting, you know, I feel like we're all indoctrinated in this idea that our fertility's gonna run out at a certain time.

[00:36:05] And so there is, it's like this subconscious, they say the ticking clock or, where it's like, I feel like part of this process is decolonizing the timelines of what we've been taught around fertility. I'm glad you brought that up. And so important for the non-gestational partners to have their, to check in with themselves and know their value to this whole process.

[00:36:32] Dominique: Yeah, I know that was a big part of our, you mentioned in the beginning when we were kind of bickering and weren't seeing eye to eye or didn't know how to communicate our feelings. I think that was a big part of it because Ariel wasn't sure how to insert her feelings into the situation when she didn't feel like she should have them.

[00:36:55] And she was, it wasn't happening like, physically to her. So yeah, it was a lot of miscommunication. But as a non-gestational parent, it's completely 100% your experience too. It's something you're mentally like going through at the same time, like no, it's not a physical experience for you, but the mental aspect alone is an emotional rollercoaster. The waiting, it's like, it's a rollercoaster. 

[00:37:27] Josie: Yes. It's such a rollercoaster, and I'm sure it does become physical. Also, there's probably some physical manifestations, going as the non-gestational partner. Yeah. I'm so curious too, as a healthcare practitioner myself, and I know I have a lot of healthcare practitioners in my audience, do you have any thoughts or ideas of like what we could be doing differently or better to support folks who are trying to conceive, especially queer folks and especially queer folks of color?

[00:38:02] Ariel: I wish that insurance had more options for fertility, more affordable options. Also, maybe something specific for queer families. Now I, I understand that's, maybe my grandkids will have that. But I mean, you know, if we, if we're speaking on it, that is what I wish. Because it's, it's so many hoops that we have to go through. 

[00:38:29] Dominique: And then, just at the very root of it all, I think just always listening to your patient and always being their number one advocate in their health journey when they come to you. I think that's very important. The number one thing I would, if you're not doing it already, I don't know. I hope you are. But just take a second thought and just be that advocate that they need. That we need. 

[00:38:59] Josie: Yes. And know that they are the experts in their lived experience, yeah. Yeah. Totally. Ugh, I love it. Every guest that comes on the podcast, I like to ask this question. In Chinese medicine, our fertility is referred to as our essence.

[00:39:18] So the more we are able to get in touch with who we really are, or our essence, or what I call our Whole Self, the more access we have to our fertile potential or creative power. So I'm wondering, do either of you have any personal practices or rituals in place that allow you to connect with your essence or your whole self?

[00:39:38] Dominique: I recently started therapy. And that's been helping tremendously. Helping me connect with my soul, my essence. Go to therapy people. 

[00:39:53] Ariel: Yes.

[00:39:56] Dominique: I don't even know what more to say about that. Also, again, I talk about us learning our spirituality together. It's really motivated me to learn my spirituality individually too. So I journal a lot. So that's one of the practices that that I do is just journal my thoughts. That's how I become connected with soul, my, I forgot what you said. 

[00:40:24] Josie: The essence or your Whole Self. 

[00:40:26] Dominique: Essence. I love that, I love that. That's how I become connected with my essence. That's how I talk to myself. Is through journaling. 

[00:40:32] Ariel: How I connect to my essence is Yoga. Yoga and meditation are my go-to things. I wanna get to a place where it's daily, but right now it's about twice a week and I do morning, I do sunrise yoga. So it's, it's fantastic to start my days like that, to really get in touch with who I am, ground myself. I am enough, I'm worthy, I'm loved. That's how I get in touch with my essence.

[00:40:59] I make sure that I flex my my solar plexus. I make sure that I am in tune with my root chakra, all of those things. Every morning I'm going through all seven. That was beautiful. 

[00:41:17] Josie: How do you flex your solar plexus? Is that what you said?

[00:41:19] Ariel: Yeah, that's what I said. But essentially I do yoga poses and make sure that I'm doing af- saying affirmations that connect with that chakra. 

[00:41:28] Josie: Gotcha. Okay. So like going through each chakra with an affirmation, okay. Wow. Incredible. If you ever do a tutorial on that , 

[00:41:39] Ariel: I'll let you know. I'll let you know.

[00:41:41] Josie: I'll watch it and do it. 

[00:41:43] Ariel: Cool, cool, cool. I love that 

[00:41:45] Dominique: I'm not able to be up at Sunrise to do it with her. 

[00:41:49] Josie: I hear you. I know. 

[00:41:51] Ariel: That's because, and I also do it because I'm a Capricorn and I've got a lot of things to do. All day, every day. So sunrise is my only time to make sure I'm putting me first. 

[00:42:02] Josie: Totally. You're like, I got shit to do. 

[00:42:05] Ariel: Right. 

[00:42:08] Josie: Oh, I love it. I love those answers so much. Well, Dominique and Ariel, how can people find you and support you and follow your story? 

[00:42:18] Dominique: Yes, you can find us everywhere at The Word Queer on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook. And we also have a blog The Word Queer that is still in the works, but go check it out. It's thewordqueer.com. 

[00:42:35] Josie: Okay. I was gonna ask if you're on TikTok. I was like, yes, I hope so. Oh, good. 

[00:42:43] Ariel: That's how you can find us. Please look us up. We aim to be a tool for the queer community. 

[00:42:49] Dominique: And tell us how you found us. We would love to know if you came from here. 

[00:42:54] Josie: Yeah, totally. Totally. Ugh, well, it's just, I loved this conversation so much. You two are so inspiring and I know so many folks got so much value and feel so seen listening to this conversation today. So thank you both so, so much for being here. 

[00:43:13] Ariel: Absolutely. Thank you. 

[00:43:15] Dominique: Yeah. 

[00:43:16] Josie: Absolutely. 

[00:43:18] Thanks for listening to the Intersectional Fertility Podcast. To get customized fertility recommendations based on your Whole Self Fertility Method element, join my mailing list at intersectionalfertility.com and get immediate access to my two minute quiz.

[00:43:35] If you like the show and wanna hear more, tap subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and please leave us a review. It really truly helps. The Intersectional Fertility podcast is hosted by me, Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier, and produced by Rozarie Productions with original music by Jen Korte.

All content offered through The Intersectional Fertility Podcast is created for informational purposes only, it is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.