Episode 31 - Brandi Andrews: Writing Your Own Narrative
Brandi (she/her) is an Afro Latina medical esthetician dedicated to creating spaces for people of the global majority in the beauty industry. Brandi shares her story of deciding to conceive and raise a child with her best friend, creating a new traditional family.
Content Warning: This episode discusses threatened medical kidnapping and postpartum depression and anxiety.
[ID: A beige background and orange semi-circle. Text reads: The Intersectional Fertility Podcast Episode 31: Brandi Andrews @brandijandrews and Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier @intersectionalfertility.]
Follow Brandi on Instagram, check out her website, and Luna Vibe Co.
Watch Brandi's recent feature on NBC, and learn more about UNITE Gala.
Episode Transcript:
Disclaimer: This is an automatically generated transcript edited to be more readable. It may not be 100% accurate.
[00:00:00] Josie: I am Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier, and this is the Intersectional Fertility Podcast, where ideas and identities intersect to deepen our understanding of fertility and ultimately our whole selves.
[00:00:32] Brandi brings over 20 years experience, awards and recognition in the beauty industry. To her concept, she has spent 15 years proving herself and the highly competitive beauty industry serving Hollywood elites, handling the grooming needs of the super image conscious entertainment world, shows she can handle anyone and anything.
[00:00:53] Being the only child of mixed race in an entire town has been her driving force to enter the beauty industry, to educate and inspire change any way she can. Creator and visionary Brandi Andrews dreams of a space where all communities can feel at home, be able to shop products created just for them, and work with experts to care for their hair and skin. A radical new experience for people of color.
[00:01:17] Brandi, welcome to the podcast.
[00:01:27] Brandi: Thank you for having me.
[00:01:29] Josie: I'm so excited to have you here today. So what are your pronouns and where are you joining us from today?
[00:01:37] Brandi: My pronouns are she and her, and I'm joining you from, well, I'm originally in Los Angeles, but right now I am in Soho, New York.
[00:01:48] Josie: Nice. So will you share with us a little about kind of what you do, what your story is, what your mission is?
[00:01:56] Brandi: My story and my mission, my everything. Oh, man. Okay. So my story is that I'm a first generation Afro-Latina. My mom is from Mexico. She migrated over here in the seventies. And yeah. Yeah. And my mission is to create a space in the industry that is for everybody, not just for particular groups of people. So, that's my mission.
[00:02:31] Josie: Totally. And you're in the beauty industry?
[00:02:33] Brandi: I am In the beauty industry, yes.
[00:02:35] Josie: Yeah. Nice. I love your work. I was looking, poking around on your website, gorgeous. So how does Parenthood fit in to what you do?
[00:02:45] Brandi: Parenthood fits in, I mean, it fits into everything. Parenthood fits into my story in every capacity because I feel it is what pushes me. And what makes me strive to wanna make a bigger difference. Especially, you know, having a little boy and you know, all the stuff that comes along with that. And so everything that I do is to show my son that he can make a difference in the world.
[00:03:16] And that he can have an impact, even if it starts out small, you just never know where it can grow from there. And once you find, you know, your community. You'll go through a bunch of different phases of, you know, oh, I thought it was this community and this community, and you're just finding yourself and you're never wrong for just trying to find your niche. You don't have to fit into somebody else's mold. You can just make your own mold.
[00:03:39] Josie: Yeah, totally. Oh, I love that. And when did you first know that you wanted to become a parent? When did that start in your life?
[00:03:47] Brandi: I think that that was something that was always just ingrained in me and you know, it's ingrained in my culture, you know, being a parent and your whole purpose is to have a family and, and you know, have kids and do all that stuff.
[00:04:02] But I changed my narrative, like I still have my family, but I had my family, with a gay man. Because I wanted to have my life. I didn't want to have to change my life for somebody else. And so, thankfully I found in my co-parent, you know, somebody that shared the same values when it comes to that, you know, wanting to have both maternal and paternal figures. But also we have a completely different dynamic.
[00:04:29] Josie: Right, right. Yeah, totally. I know when I first learned about your story, it was through Mosie Baby, and they were telling me about you and your partner, and I was just like, yes. Like full body Yes. To that, to that arrangement and that creativity.
[00:04:49] And that you know, like you said, like retelling the narrative. Like taking your story back of how you want your life to be. Yeah. I talk about this all the time with my partner, just how the old fashioned like nuclear family is just so. Not working.
[00:05:06] Brandi: We like to call it the nucleus. We call it the nucleus, Lawrence and I. Because when people say like, oh, you're a new modern fam, like you're a non-traditional, we like to say new traditional. You know, they're like, nuclear family. We're like, that's just our nucleus. Like there's so many other cells and atoms and things that you can attach to a nucleus that you know, but when you come back, that's your core.
[00:05:29] You know, so with my traditional Hispanic family, like I don't even necessarily have a traditional family. I was raised by a single mother. And I have three brothers. So, that was a non-traditional, so Lawrence likes to call it new traditional. Because we can make it whatever it is that we want.
[00:05:51] Obviously people are gonna have their opinions, but it's like, how far do I wanna let your opinions rule my life? Telling my mother, immigrant from Mexico, you know, even though she's white passing, it's, it's still a generational thing. And so when I told my mother, she was like, what?
[00:06:14] Her first reaction, her first knee jerk reaction was, Nope. But out of protection of her child. Because she didn't understand it. So because she didn't understand it, it was a little bit more of a tussle in capacity and trying to get her to understand because she raised a very strong individual woman.
[00:06:35] So yeah, trying to to shift that narrative and I mean, our families are so supportive, you know, and they were just so kind of confused because they just never had heard that and we're like, look, we're just gonna try to make it work. Did you try to make it work And it worked out great. Great.
[00:06:52] Josie: I love that so much. Can you take us to that moment or like where this started. One of the things I just love so much about queer families is that there is, there's no pre-prescribed anything of how anything needs to be, and so I just, I love that with queerness comes so much freedom and so much creativity.
[00:07:13] And when I heard about your story, I was just like, ah, this, I just feel like this could inspire so many other people to open up their mind about what creating a family could look like. That they don't just have to follow this one method or this one narrative. So could you kind of bring us to that point of like how you came to that decision? Like what was the starting point?
[00:07:35] Brandi: I mean, it was a conversation that Lawrence and I had on a Sunday afternoon as we were working at the Abbey. We had been roommates for some time, had sought solace in one another as individuals, bonding as not only gay people but people of color.
[00:07:55] Providing a safe space in the community for us. Even though our community's a community, it's not a community. The L very much stays with the L. The G's stay with the G's, the B's and the T's, and then they're all segregated. Yeah. And I've even experienced that in San Francisco in the queer community.
[00:08:13] Where it was like, "you're not queer, you're a lesbian." I'm like, I thought it was all the same acronym. It's exhausting sometimes. In that capacity, trying to meld that and kind of break that barrier. So we're able to create that. But it, I don't wanna paint it as a picture of like, yeah, this is the greatest because it does come with its trials and its tribulations.
[00:08:44] Even though co-parenting with my best friend, there was still a lot more that we had to unpack. Like going to the doctors and getting the tests and doing the analysis and the blood testing and all of that stuff that, that goes with it. And that like finding out that Lawrence wouldn't be considered the father that he would be. Considered a donor and that I had to sign papers willfully accepting his sperm.
[00:09:11] And there was just a whole bunch of stuff like gay men are seen as unfit donors, and it was just, a whole laundry list of things. Not to mention, we went there. Our doctor, our fertility doctor, our initial one, she gave us.
[00:09:27] The roadmap. She's like, I'm gonna tell you guys some things that you're not gonna like. She's like, but this is highly suggested. Like when we went, they were like, you guys have to get attorneys. And you guys have to go see a psychologist. And at that time, in our mid to late twenties, we were like, what?
[00:09:43] We're not gonna do this. You're not gonna tell us how to bla bla bla. But in all actuality, it was definitely stuff that should have happened in the beginning. Because, You know, we should have gone to a therapist and see like what things we're actually making our personality, what traumas of ours, and how well our traumas were going to play together.
[00:10:08] And really getting an understanding of each other's mental health. So in the long run, Dr. Carrie Womeck, which I love so much, she was right. She was absolutely right. The one thing that we did take away from that is, building out a parental agreement.
[00:10:26] So we pretty much went in like in a divorce in reverse. We listed all the things that we fundamentally wanted in a family, like what we saw our values were, but we also update this every year. So down to like me and Lawrence get one full week out of the year to go travel and just do us.
[00:10:50] And like just, we call it a mom vacation and a dad vacation. So I'm like, I'm gonna take my mom vacation. And we have it, you know, set in months and we work on calendars and we broke down holidays and we broke down custody. Like we broke down custody in a capacity as well, where we listed these certain amount of people. But Hartley ultimately gets the choice.
[00:11:11] Our son gets the choice of where he goes. We never wanted to take that away from him. So we have, okay, these are the people. That mom and dad trust. You get to choose from these people who you wanna live with. But that person also has to be willing to come into the picture, be where he's at.
[00:11:30] And then parent him from there. So it's a whole, it's a whole thing. And it's like after, I think it was planning for three years. And then these last couple, couple of years of raising Hartley, things come up. Things come up. And so I tell everyone, they're like, what's one piece of advice that you could give?
[00:11:49] I'm like, unpack your shit. Unpack all your mental trauma. what you think makes you you. Right? And where it doesn't fit with your narrative now, because being a parent is probably, the most unselfish thing I've ever done in my life. Unselfish and I, and there are times where I have a tantrum and I'm like, I wanna be selfish!
[00:12:12] I wanna do bup bup ba, you're gonna do what I say! And my son's like, yeah, psych. I don't think so, mom. And it's a, it's a very humbling experience too.
[00:12:22] Josie: Wow. Oh my gosh, my mind is spinning right now. Cause I had no idea. I know some of those details of like, yeah, I've heard that as well, get a lawyer and all of that, but like yeah. The mental health piece of both of your, that is fascinating. And just the intentionality that goes into that, that creating it in the three years leading up to it, and updating that plan. Like it feels like everyone should be doing that. I mean, people who don't quote unquote have to do that. I feel like should be also doing that
[00:12:54] Brandi: Because these things come about and then even with like lesbian couples like that, you know, use the other's egg, like you still have to adopt that child to have any rights. So we wanted to make sure to cover both of our rights. And it is like when you say attorney, people are like, you don't trust me?
[00:13:11] It's like, ah, that's a trigger. What are you worried about? You know what I mean? Like me, I was very like, I don't wanna file with the courts. I don't wanna do this. Like they're gonna find some way to do something and take our baby. And it was all fear. It's all fear that I've had, you know, being raised by, having that immigrant mentality. Like, you get anything legal involves something bad's gonna happen.
[00:13:33] Josie: Totally. That's such a good point. Do you feel like you were able to find someone to work with who felt safe?
[00:13:40] Brandi: So we decided to only kind of like legalize it with the courts, like notarize it and things like that. A judge looks it over, signs it off or doesn't and, and so we're at that point, like everything's been notarized.
[00:13:54] We've finalized everything this past, I guess reevaluation, I guess in essence. Of the parental agreement, we're actually trying to write or we're in the processes of, I still have my parts to do. Trying to write a co-parenting book. About how our process was and not being like, we're the experts, but being like, this is just our story and we wanna tell it to you guys.
[00:14:16] Take what you can. And run with it and make your own story. You know, we just wanna share the information that we have come across in these last, you know, six, seven years of planning and 10, 12 years of being friends. And we even have it in there that if we feel that the other one is not mentally fit, we have the right to enact like you need to go see a therapist.
[00:14:40] So now I've been in therapy for almost three years. Lawrence is in therapy and then we also have a family therapist. Just to make sure that it's neutral, just to make sure that both sides are being heard, but also for Hartley.
[00:14:53] So that, it's not like we're going to therapy because something's wrong, it's, we're going to therapy because. I don't have these tools. Your dad doesn't have these tools, but somebody else has these tools. Somebody else has the pieces that we need in order for us to hear you properly and make sure that you feel heard and safe.
[00:15:10] Josie: Totally. Yeah. And then that really normalizes it for him too. It's like everyone has a therapist.
[00:15:17] Brandi: Yeah. Everyone has a therapist. Can't talk to mom and dad about it? Go talk to a therapist. Make sure you're in safe space.
[00:15:23] Josie: Yeah, exactly. Oh, I love that so much. I'm so pro therapy myself.
[00:15:29] Brandi: I wasn't, I was like, you want me to go to therapy because something's wrong with me. Like, I came from that generation. Like "nothing's ever gonna get fixed!" But it was all my trauma. That became my personality, and then I realized that I can change. That even though imposter syndrome tells you, you have to be one way for the rest of your life, that's not true.
[00:15:50] And I always try to teach my son that. I talk to him about all his emotions and identifying different emotions. And it's hard, it's hard when you're Latina and you're so used to like, "Sit there, shut up and everything's gonna be fine. You're just feeling feelings."
[00:16:05] To, "okay babe, let's sit down and talk, like you're angry right now. Cool. I'm gonna go into the other room. You calm down and then we'll have a discussion and we'll try to identify what's going on."
[00:16:15] So I started that when he was around like one or two. Before I wouldn't leave the room, I'd be like, baby, tell me what you can, or, we have like a whole chart where it's like, you can hug your teddy bear or you can count to 10.
[00:16:28] My partner, my girlfriend, she's taught him how to deep breath and I'm like, you can take some deep breaths. Let's calm our nervous system down. Sometimes me and my girlfriend are like, man, I wish I had us as parents.
[00:16:38] Josie: Yes, exactly, and like, and this is how we break generational trauma. You were talking about earlier how parenting has really been like a driving force for you to do these good things in the world and create these safe spaces and it's like it also, for me, it feels so motivating to break these cycles, to not pass it on. Well, I'm so glad you're writing a book. I can't wait to read this book.
[00:17:07] Brandi: Yeah. Yeah. We're trying to get it out there and, and do these things like we had some stuff potentially going with Netflix as well. And that kind of fell through and it was just trying to find different ways to, to tell our story. Like we did the nine months with Courtney Cox. And that was a way for us to tell our story. And she gave us that platform and it was really beautiful.
[00:17:30] Josie: Amazing. Yeah. I wanna hear about that. How did that happen and what was it like?
[00:17:34] Brandi: It was so funny because when we first saw the casting for it, we. So mad. We were so mad because we were like, this is our story, you know, past trauma. This is defense. And I think we called up cuz we had already done E! You know what happens at the Abbey, so we had had some previous connections and so we called them and they called the casting of those people and they're like, this is their story. And they got us on immediately.
[00:18:03] They were like, great. So we went through the interview process and it was really awesome because at that time it wasn't like cameras in your face. It wasn't a production company that's like, we're gonna do this and set up this scene. It was, here is a couple of iPhones, here are some tripods. And record what you want to record.
[00:18:24] Nice. You know, they would ask for some sound bites here and there and things like that. But it was honestly one of the easiest processes that I went through. E! Was not so much. Okay. But you know, with, with Courtney, it was very authentic and it was like me and Lawrence were under the agreement like, okay, are we gonna record this?
[00:18:45] And when you put yourself in that spotlight, you put yourself up to be analyzed. You put yourself up for criticism. And then when you're having imposter syndrome, it's not the easiest thing to do cuz it's like, I don't wanna share this cuz I don't want people to think that I'm trying to get attention.
[00:18:58] But you're not trying to get attention, you're just trying to share your story. And see who resonates with it. And we didn't realize how many people would resonate with this story, it was kind of hard for us to, to believe at first. It was a whole thing when we had our, you know gender reveal party, which was on the show, you know, and people were like, you shouldn't be having a gender reveal party because you're part of the queer community.
[00:19:19] And I was like, Hey. I'm like, look, I have friends who are trans. I have friends who have M to F, F to M, I have friends all over the spectrum in this acronym. And I'm like, and I respect everybody's decision to be who they want to be. Do not put your gender conformities on my child.
[00:19:37] If my son comes to me one day and says, "mommy, I feel like a girl," I'm gonna be like, "okay, I have a friend who is M to F. Can we, let's have this conversation with them." Because mama doesn't know. And so this is what I've identified things as if you identify as something differently, I have a friend on every end of the spectrum.
[00:19:57] Non-binary, gender fluid, all of 'em. There's too many to remember sometimes, but I have one from each. And if we ever get to those crossroads, it's gonna be like, okay, I have a safe person who can give you, that's been through this process. And that I align with.
[00:20:14] Because you know, if you wanna change your body and you wanna change certain things, that's a big decision. I'm not gonna tell you no. Right. But I'm gonna tell you, really think about this and talk to the people who know and their journey, because I can only tell you mine.
[00:20:27] Josie: Right, right. Totally. I love that.
[00:20:30] Brandi: So having that platform with Courtney Cox to really be like, this is just our narrative and have that massive vulnerability. Lawrence dealing with his drinking issues and making that public, to be under scrutiny for that. That's a big move. And yeah. One thing that we, we did not share, and then I do want to make aware to people.
[00:20:56] Is, you know, they did try to medically kidnap my son. They tried to say that I was on antidepressants. Oh, and I did not test positive for antidepressants. There was, it was like an over-the-counter sleeping pill that I took half of, that my OB told me to take, and it was over the counter.
[00:21:14] There was one nurse that just could not wrap her head around whatever it was, whether we were People of Color, gay, or you know. I had asked one question. Because I asked, where are you taking him now? They're like, we're gonna test his blood. We're gonna do this, we're gonna do that.
[00:21:29] And I'm like, okay, great. And they're, we test him for A B C X Y Z. And I just asked, I said, what happens if you find drugs in a kid's system? Yeah. And they, she was like, we'll, take your baby.
[00:21:41] Josie: Woah. Oh my god.
[00:21:42] Brandi: And I was like, what ? And I was like, okay. And so I was super offput by that. The next thing I know, CPS is in our room.
[00:21:50] Josie: No. Ugh.
[00:21:52] Brandi: And the white nurse that was at the desk, I said, Hey, I need some answers. Or we're gonna have issues. We're gonna have issues if you're not giving me the answers that I need and you're trying to keep me in the dark. And then I heard her on the phone, you know, "she's threatening me, and da da da."
[00:22:09] And I'm two days postpartum and. Me and my mom walk over there and she's like, "yeah, she's standing right in front of me and, and she's threatening me and da da da da da da." And my mom is right there and she went, she almost went Mama bear. I said, do not. I put my hand on my mom's hand. I said, "do not even give her the time of day."
[00:22:28] And so the security comes up to me and he's like, you're gonna need to wait in the lobby. And I was like, I am two days postpartum. Do you see me in this hospital gown? Like, I just gave birth. And it wasn't until a Latina nurse came in. She was like, I'm so sorry. Like this isn't, you know, we're gonna have to do bababa.
[00:22:45] And me and my mom were, were talking to her in Spanish and we were like, don't even try to play us. We were like, we know exactly what this was. To tell your white nurse that that was not okay. Like, you know, and people asked me like, why wouldn't you fight it? I said, why would I? Why would I try to fight a system that doesn't work for me?
[00:23:04] But now there's so many other places, like I think there's Ask Tia, there's a Kind Body. There's all these different places. I would highly suggest people go the doula route to make sure you have somebody who advocates for you. Yes. Or go to a birthing center and you know, if you do wanna have a medical birth, make sure that you're going to a hospital that aligns with your values. Yeah. I didn't realize that. Where my doctor was doing your residency was a religious hospital. Yep
[00:23:30] Josie: Right, oh my gosh. That is, I just feel infuriated throughout my whole body that that happened to you.
[00:23:38] Brandi: Yeah. My postpartum depression and my postpartum anxiety flared up. I wouldn't let even Lawrence take Hartley anywhere. I was like, no. And I didn't leave the house. And I was like, I have to keep my baby with me at all times. So being a child of an immigrant and having that happen. And then having to take my child the next day and put a little bag over him and, I think it was within that week.
[00:24:03] And then test him again. And then potentially have to, you know, go through the whole situation again. Right. But thankfully he tested negative and I was like, I told you. Well, you know, we had to go to our pediatrician, but I was like, I told you. I told you. I was like, you guys didn't even, that nurse didn't even check my medical records to see what my doctor had prescribed me.
[00:24:24] Right. I was like, you found sleeping medication that my doctor told me to get. That was over the counter. Just always make sure you have somebody that advocates for you and always communicates to your partner how to advocate. Because I feel that was another thing that me and Lawrence didn't necessarily have.
[00:24:42] And it's no jab to him. I think he was just very like. This is your body, you make the choices. Sure. When in fact, I needed somebody to step up and say, that's not okay. This is not okay.
[00:24:54] Josie: Totally. Ugh. Thank you for sharing that with us. I think that is so important for people to know and to be active, proactive about protecting themselves in the medical system.
[00:25:04] Brandi: Absolutely. Especially for LGBTQIA folks.
[00:25:07] Josie: Exactly. Exactly. Ugh. That's infuriating. I wanted to back up a little bit and ask, what are, you've kind of answered this already, but what are ways you recommend like going about building a family in this way or like what have been some of the pros and cons?
[00:25:23] Brandi: I mean, pros are that I have a solid person that I know that I'm going through this entire process with. Whatever cons or bumps in the roads, we might hit, I think that we both value making Hartley's life the best that it can be. As long as we keep that in mind and put ourselves and our egos to the side.
[00:25:53] We can continue to raise our child in an amicable and loving environment. We have currently separated households. Which was always the plan in the beginning, was to separate households, to try to live our own lives. We can't live together forever, you know?
[00:26:09] We can keep a little house on the prairie situation. But in all, in all actuality, it's like, okay, we really need to just. Live our own lives for our mental health. And you know, I have a partner now and she's very much a part of Hartley's life. Like he calls her mama Blue, like I have two mamas.
[00:26:28] I'm like, you do have two mamas. I love that. And yeah. And now she lives with us and them building their relationship, you know, after us being together for two years. And then moving in just recently. And so that's the major pro. Is that you have somebody, or I had somebody that I could make my narrative with, right?
[00:26:49] And be like, Hey, I have this idea. I would just suggest, you know, the, the cons are people grow apart, but you have to find a way to grow together. And grow apart with in a place of love. Right. Instead of a place of fear or abandonment. So, yeah, that's what I would say.
[00:27:07] Josie: I love that. Yeah. That's so cool. And I love having the idea of having a friend to build that plan with, versus a romantic partner feels a lot more like there's more space there for safety or growth. It's more of like an intentional, like we're gonna plan this and do this instead of just like, I hope this works out
[00:27:32] Brandi: Yeah, and I mean, I would suggest even the process that we've been through doing that, if you do do it with your partner, having these same conversations. You just have to build that friendship. Like, one thing that I can say about my relationship is that we have a friendship. We have a solid respect and understanding of one another in that capacity.
[00:27:54] It gets a little twisted sometimes because of the intimacy, but even though Lawrence and I are, have never been intimate, like at all. There's still a form of intimacy that has yet to be identified. That you have to have with this person, right? Because you gotta find, okay, how can I provide for you?
[00:28:13] How can I advocate for you? How can I be here for you, without making it about myself.
[00:28:20] Josie: Right, yeah, totally. Yeah, I completely agree. I feel like this co-parenting book is gonna be so applicable to literally every parent who's parenting with someone else.
[00:28:32] Brandi: I mean, we, when we were talking and pitching our show idea and everything, like we had people like heterosexual couples that are like, can you send us that agreement? Can we look at that? Cause, it gets you thinking. It kind of just gives you a template, to go from there.
[00:28:51] You don't have to copy exactly what we did. That's not what we're saying, but we're saying take some of these questions, take the parts that resonate with you, and then create your own narrative.
[00:29:03] If it works for you to, you know, I'm glad that I did it the way that I did it because I was able to really do something for myself. that I wanted for me, and it wasn't for a partner. I had been in and out of relationships, you know, engaged and in a toxic situation.
[00:29:21] And it was toxic, toxic, toxic after one after the other, or getting into a situation where I was pregnant, where they were trying to be the second mother already. And I'm like, no. I am my child's mother. This is the experience that I wanna have for me and people were like, well, what about a partner?
[00:29:39] I'm like, what about a partner? The right person will come along when it's the time. But right now, I just want this experience. Like would I have loved to have my partner with me now, the partner that I have now? Oh my God, yes. Absolutely. I would've loved to have her because she was, she's definitely the one.
[00:29:58] But at that time, she wasn't there, and I would've been waiting forever. Not forever, but I would've been waiting, who knows longer than I wanted to. So I took my own narrative into my hands and said, this is what I wanna do with my life as a person that, you know, I will end up with will be there.
[00:30:15] Right. And I didn't wanna date for the first year of my son's life, right. So I was like, no, I want, I want to have this experience. I want to not be distracted by an intimate relationship when I wanted to build an intimate bond with my child.
[00:30:29] Josie: Totally. I love it so much. This is so inspiring. I love this story.
[00:30:34] Brandi: Thank you.
[00:30:35] Josie: Absolutely. I would love to know like what's next for you? Like what are you excited about? What are your projects, upcoming projects, what else are you doing?
[00:30:44] Brandi: So right now with The Wing, we're working on a partnership right now. I've formed myself and two other individuals who live in New York.
[00:30:54] We are building out a comittee to host a yearly gala as well as networking events for BIPOC and l LGBTQ
[00:31:03] Josie: Oh my gosh, amazing.
[00:31:04] Brandi: Yes. So The Wing is an amazing space that we're gonna start utilizing. And the great thing is, is they have one in LA they have three in New York, they have Boston and Chicago coming, they have San Francisco.
[00:31:16] So all these major cities, we're going to be now building these networking events around what, like with our sponsors. And just kind of hitting all the points in the LGBTQ community that don't have a space yet. Like mothers. Or, you know there was a term and I can't remember, but it's pretty much the non-carrying partner.
[00:31:40] Just all the different, yeah, variations. Like I have so many queer friends that have done so many different things now. My friend Whitney carried by and did it by herself, and I'm like, I have no idea how you did that, but I'm like, props to you dude. And you know, partnering with other companies that want to sponsor our writers.
[00:32:04] Our painters, our sex therapists, our doulas, just everybody in general, and letting people know, like in every phase of your life, you'll be able to have a, a high end experience. Like we don't have to constantly be in the bars. You know, I'm in a point in my life where I wanna actually talk to somebody.
[00:32:25] You know, I don't wanna get shammed and yell over music. I want to have a solid conversation and help somebody with their business. If I can't help you, that I know somebody who can. If I don't know numbers, I know my space. And that's the great thing about our committee is that everybody has their space, but everybody has a solid network.
[00:32:47] It's kind of like the chart. Do you remember the chart from The L Word?
[00:32:51] Josie: Oh yes. The chart. Yeah.
[00:32:52] Brandi: Yes. Yes. So, but it like takes up more than just a wall. Like it takes a whole room. Cause we know so many people in the queer community. Like, I swear to God, if we all came together, we could probably take over the world.
[00:33:05] Josie: Yeah. I agree.
[00:33:07] Brandi: They would have no chance. They would have No chance. But you know, and then also letting people. You know, our allies know, like our BIPOC allies. Like, yeah, this, come sit down with us, talk. Like, let's all find ways to push each other forward. Because now, you know, I feel like with Covid being over, everyone's kind of been like, okay, what's really making me happy?
[00:33:30] You had these last two years to sit with yourself and say, what is it that I wanna leave on the world? What is it that I wanna let people know? And I wanna let people know that, you know, there is a space. And there is money out there for BIPOC and LGBTQ people. You know, you just have to know where to find it, and we're making it a space where we're gonna help you find it. And I'm gonna help your voice be heard.
[00:33:55] Josie: Wow. I love that. Do you, well, do you think you'll expand to more cities too?
[00:34:01] Brandi: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Because The Wing is like, you know, we wanna make sure that, you know, we're having that solid partnership. You know, we have Latinas and cannabis and all kinds of other stuff across the spectrum where it can be used in every city.
[00:34:18] It can be used everywhere. So anywhere there's a Wing, there will be a way. It's called Unite Gala, and we wanna host a gala at least twice a year. But we are gonna host our first one in the winter okay. We're aiming for the winter. And we'll have that at the Wing in we hope.
[00:34:35] Josie: Okay. Amazing. Oh my gosh.
[00:34:37] Brandi: Yeah. So we wanna have people who have podcasts and books and all these things, and so we'll take submissions and submit them to The Wing and, you know, they use their network and it's all a, a little chess game.
[00:34:51] Josie: Oh, that sounds incredible. Oh my gosh. And is there website or something where people can go?
[00:34:55] Brandi: We do have uh-huh unitegala.org. Where you can see all of our people in our committee right now. Where to donate if there's any business. Or companies that want to donate and sponsor, you know, our artists and things and everything, to just throw the gala. There's packages that they get. We use our network to make sure that we promote it.
[00:35:19] We're gonna have our first fundraising event in June, but pride doesn't stop just in June for us. If you support the LGBTQ community, You have no problem giving that money for December. You have no problem, like, and if you're not allocating that, then that's somebody that we don't wanna vibe with.
[00:35:38] It's like it's gonna be all year round. And so that's what, that's what me, and myself, and my team and the Wing can agree on, is that it needs to be a consistent thing, not just during pride month. You can't just highlight BIPOC and LGBTQ people on certain months, it should be all year round.
[00:35:55] Josie: Exactly. Yeah. I love that. Yes. Cool. I'll definitely include that in the show notes so people can find that easily.
[00:36:02] Brandi: Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. And then just launching my skincare line, I've developed a skincare line, I'm a licensed esthetician. I currently work with Lena Waith, I've been working with her for a while now.
[00:36:12] Josie: Wow. Oh my gosh. That's amazing.
[00:36:13] Brandi: Yeah. Yeah. She just hit all the red carpets with like no makeup on her face and it's just, it's a dreamy situation. And so, yeah, just launching my skincare line and expanding on that, you know, finding different formulas and creams for people of color and LGBTQ individuals.
[00:36:36] Like I'm working on a treatment for top surgery scars. Now how microneedling kind of fits into that. But also now there's vegan pigments that you can put into the skin. Kind of like a tattoo, that will help shade, but it's all skin tones. So try to help shade and reduce the scarring and, and make things going. So I have a couple trials going right now to see the before and afters and stuff.
[00:36:59] Josie: Oh my gosh, that's incredible. And I think I cut you off a little bit, did you say micro needling? Was that something that you?
[00:37:06] Brandi: Microneedling, yeah. Microneedling works really, really great for People of Color. And for scarring and for hyperpigmentation and for, you know, enlarged pores and all kinds of stuff. I can go into a whole thing.
[00:37:19] Josie: A whole thing about microneedling, I love it. Can people buy your skincare? From where ever?
[00:37:26] Brandi: They can. They can buy it on lunavibe.co. We're looking to hopefully expand into Ulta and then I can also send you over the link that I just did with NBC California Live, and we talked about all of the pigments and all the different things. So I'll send that over to you.
[00:37:44] Josie: Oh, incredible. Okay, cool. And then I'll include that in the show notes too. That's fascinating. Absolutely. Wow I had no idea about any of that. That's so cool.
[00:37:54] So something I love to ask every guest is, in Chinese medicine, our fertility is referred to as our essence. So the more we're able to get in touch with who we really are or our essence, the more access we have to our fertile potential or our creative power. Is there any practice or ritual that you have in place that allows you to connect with your essence or your Whole Self?
[00:38:16] Brandi: I mean, besides therapy? Therapy is a huge part of me, staying in my whole self. During my fertility journey, all the tools that I have now, I wish I had back then. But you know, when you know better, you do better. But it just, I don't think I have very many practices now. I do. I try to incorporate self care and being gentle on myself and, I practice words of affirmation, you know, with, with myself, but also with my son.
[00:38:52] And just looking at ourselves in the mirror and connecting. I think just for a large part of my life, I disassociated. So I was never fully in my body, so I could never fully be present. And that's actually something, you know, me and my, my girlfriend are working on. You know, she's like, I would love if you'd be more present.
[00:39:10] Like, you're very tentative every day. This, that and the other. She's like, but sometimes you just, and it's just trauma response, you know? So finding out, where that is and just. Just really, eating clean and drinking the juices and drinking the water and we don't wanna do it and it tastes like grass, but we gotta do it.
[00:39:35] Josie: Nice. I love it. Cool. And I know you've already mentioned some websites and things, but is there anywhere else where folks can find you and support you? , buy all your things?
[00:39:45] Brandi: On instagram. All my stuff is linked on my Instagram @brandijandrews. And that's where you can find me. You can book, I'm now doing online consultations, like virtual consultations. To just help people all around the world and be like, this is what I see in your skin. This is what I recommend, let. Find you a person that can accomplish this for you. If you cannot come to me. So expanding in that capacity.
[00:40:14] Josie: Okay. That's fantastic. Great. Well Brandi, thank you so much for coming on today. I learned so much.
[00:40:21] Brandi: Of course. And if you have any other questions, feel free to reach out.
[00:40:25] Josie: Awesome. I will. Thanks so much Brandi.
[00:40:32] Thanks for listening to the Intersectional Fertility Podcast. To get customized fertility recommendations based on your Whole Self Fertility Method Element, join my mailing list at intersectionalfertility.com and get immediate access to my two minute quiz. If you like the show and wanna hear more, tap subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and please leave us a review.
[00:40:56] It really truly helps. The Intersectional Fertility Podcast is hosted by me, Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier, and produced by Rozarie Productions with original music by Jen Korte.
All content offered through The Intersectional Fertility Podcast is created for informational purposes only, it is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.