Episode 46 - #WholeSelf2022: How Do You Connect With Your Essence?

Our final episode of the year is a compilation of our guests' response to the question; "Do you have any practices or rituals in place that allow you to connect with your Essence and Whole Self?" Enjoy a diverse group of answers from guests featured this year on the podcast. We'd love to hear about your practices, share yours on Instagram with the hashtag #WholeSelf2022 and tag @IntersectionalFertility!

Content warning: brief mention of sexual assault.

[ID: Text reads The Intersectional Fertility Podcast Episode 46, on an orange background with two blue and red butterflies.]

A big thank you to our guests, listed in order of appearance:
Meenadchi: Instagram and Website.
king yaa: Instagram,  Facebook, and Website.
Cindy Luquin: Instagram,  Twitter, TikTok, and  Website.
Anna Balagtas: Instagram and  Website.
April Axé Charmaine: Instagram and  Website.
Dr. Sand Chang: Instagram and Website.
Resham Mantri:  Instagram, Substack, and Website.
Brandi Andrews:  Instagram and Website.
Dominique and Ariel Wilson: Instagram, TikTok, and Website.
Gabrielle Griffith: Instagram, Twitter,  and Website.
Shayda Kafai: Instagram and Website.
Zena Sharman:  Instagram and Website.
Khye Tyson: Instagram, Website.
Dr. Zoë Julian: Twitter.
Malori Holloman: Instagram.
Jovan Sage: Website and Instagram.
Meenadchi: Website and Instagram.
Kristin Liam Kali: Website and Instagram.
Raven Rose:  Instagram, YouTube channel and Website. 
Atava Garcia Swiecicki: Instagram and Website.
Nicola Salmon: Website, and Instagram.

Another shoutout to:

Jozelle Wong Yu: Instagram and Website.
Sabrina Flack and Dehga Scott: Instagram and Website.

Episode TRANSCRIPT:

Disclaimer: This is an automatically generated transcript edited to be more readable. It may not be 100% accurate.

[00:00:00] Josie: I am Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier, and this is the Intersectional Fertility Podcast, where ideas and identities intersect to deepen our understanding of fertility and ultimately our Whole Selves.

[00:00:32] Welcome back to the podcast friend, and welcome to the end of the year. Here we are. I can't believe we're at the end of 2022. I am so excited for today's episode, it is so delightful. It is a compilation of everyone's answer, almost everyone from our interviews this year on the podcast, to the question that I like to ask all of my guests, which is: 

[00:00:56] Do you have any personal practices or rituals in place that allow you to connect with your essence or your whole self?

[00:01:03] I love asking this question so much because I never know what people are gonna say. I am always blown away and surprised by people's answers, and all of the answers that you'll hear today are just so diverse. I mean, everything from Doritos to playing the harp, and just everything in between. So many things that I never could have imagined.

[00:01:27] So as you listen to these answers today, maybe reflect on what your personal practices or rituals are that you have in place to connect with your essence or your Whole Self, if you have any. And if you don't have any, if you're looking for some ideas, you're about to hear so many good ones. So I highly recommend having a notebook, candy, or taking some notes on your phone if there's any that pop up that you'd like to try.

[00:01:55] And I also do wanna give a special shout out to three guests who we did not get to this question this year in our interview. So I just want to say to them, Jozelle Wong Yu, my incredible assistant this year. Sabrina Flack and Dehga Scott, I just want to say thank you to the three of you so, so much for coming on the podcast and for our incredible conversations.

[00:02:20] So if you all are looking to know more about any of these guests that were on this year, be sure to check the show notes for this episode. And I'll include everyone's name and social link or website so you can learn more about them. Find them, support them and their work and their services, and I know that they would all appreciate it.

[00:02:43] Y'all are the best. Thank you so much for listening this year. I'm so grateful for all of you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be doing this podcast. So thank you so much and I can't wait to see you again in 2023. I would love to hear from you about your personal practices or rituals that you have in place to connect with your Whole Self or your essence or if you try any of these that you hear today on today's episode.

[00:03:11] So will you tag me on Instagram @intersectionalfertility? Should we also make up our own hashtag? What do you think? Should we do, how about #wholeself2022. Let's try it. I would love to see what y'all come up with and connect with you there on Instagram. All right, here we go. I hope you enjoy.

[00:03:42] Meenadchi: I think for me, the things that I try and do, I try and go into my sacred container which is again, a practice I've received from one of my teachers. And like just three minutes of meditation. And I set a container for myself and then I can call in whomever or whatever it is that I want to meet.

[00:04:01] And it's like a quick hit of nourishment and play with the universe. That can help me just kind of like relax a little bit when I start to feel lots of different ways just to remember. Oh no, everything is A Okay. So what I'll do is I usually will close my eyes and I set my sacred container by mentally drawing a circle.

[00:04:25] That is the container. And then I will ask anybody who's not here for my highest good to leave the container, everybody who is here for my highest good to come into the container. And then I will step into the container and usually I'll get an intuitive hit of who I want to ask to meet. Right? 

[00:04:43] Maybe I want to ask to meet the version of myself who knows that everything is gonna be okay, or maybe I want to meet somebody I wanna. Maybe I'll say who is it from the animal realm who wants to speak to me or has something to guide me today? Or maybe I'll ask can you please let me see the side of my shadow that wants to be held so that it can turn towards the light?

[00:05:13] I just ask lots of different questions once I get into my container, and then the information will just appear as I let it. I'll receive whatever information, blessings, downloads and then usually like my alarm will kind of go off or. It'll just time that I will intuitively know it's time to leave the container and then I will thank everybody and I'll close the circle. 

[00:05:42] king yaa: I think that when we are meant to shut down, especially our childhood parts of ourselves, our playful parts of ourselves. We are cutting off part of our essence. When we believe that the only time that we're meant to write, it is for to submit a paper for school or to submit a paper or, I don't know, like a policy for work, whatever it is that we're writing.

[00:06:00] That it is for the consumption for somebody else's, whatever it is, right? It is for our capitalism, right? When we write for ourselves, when we have a little journal book, and we, I mean, I love colors, so I spend a lot of money on markers. So that when I look at my words, I'm not just seeing my words of whatever it is that I'm writing about, but they look beautiful. 

[00:06:22] I remember when I was younger, when I was in grade school, that was what we all did. We all had you know what I mean? And then you had to underline in blue. Like we had this whole way that we wanted our things to look pretty. And I still want everything around me to look pretty.

[00:06:38] I think that when we are so caught up with survival then we lose so many parts of ourselves. And like you said, it is essence, right. And that it is a reclaiming of that essence and our playfulness and because those are parts of us that if you allow it. If you allow systems, there's so many systems that are oppressing us if we allow them to.

[00:06:58] It is like cutting down a tree. And then not even just cutting down a tree, then it's also then now tearing out the roots and cutting them all up. There's nothing to keep us grounded. There's nothing to, for us to flourish. There's no blossoming, we're losing so much.

[00:07:15] But when we have these moments of, like, for me, Using color or, I like clothes. I like food, right? I'm feeding so many bits of parts of my life. I'm keeping them alive, and I'm feeding them and they're feeling nourished. And they're feeling seen. And it allows me to be in certain spaces and to be in relationships and to also do that, to say what it is that I need.

[00:07:39] So I continue to flourish, right? I can name the things when I go to doctors, I can say, This is what I need. And this is how I want it to go. Right? Rather than going in there as like a dead beat, I don't even know how to put it. I'm allowing people to do things to me.

[00:07:57] I'm like, no, there's an invitation for you to be a part of my team. And this is what I need, right. And being able to see where something is not feeding you and be able to turn away from it. You know, and we may not have access to that in all of our spaces. Being able to turn away from something where sometimes we're just desperate.

[00:08:15] And I understand that too. But what happens when we at least are honest with ourselves and know, Okay, we can also soothe ourself afterwards and go, I know that that did not turn out the way that we wanted it to. But here's a bowl of ice cream, is to sit here for a moment, or let's call a friend.

[00:08:29] And it's life and whine about it. Cause that's at least recognizing and not pushing it down. Right? Because all of our parts of ourselves deserve light. And to be seen and to be, Yeah. To be acknowledged. Even when it is a shitty something.

[00:08:57] Cindy: I come from a family that's like super musically inclined. So music is like super healing for me. Any type of music really. I play an instrument myself. It's something that I've been trying to get back into. I play the alto sax. So that's really like getting back into that, just sitting and, and learning again and allowing myself to not be perfect about that.

[00:09:16] Cuz I still struggle with perfectionist stuff. I think like we all do. And, and that's been really like, helps me like, wait. My younger self really loves this and I'm gonna, take time to do it. And I think just tapping into and being curious and exploring.

[00:09:37] I also, now that I'm out here with family, right now, I get to see my nieces. And I get to play with them. And I realize like, oh, you know, we can just like play. Your child self forgets that sometimes you can just play and imagine and pretend, and I love that. I love that I get to be that tia and just have fun with them and play. 

[00:10:02] Anna: I think my, my rituals really change as I enter different parts of myself. But right now, something I really love doing is free writing. So, yeah, like I'll get, I'll do this on my laptop and I'll open up a completely blank word document. I'll start a timer. The most I can do right now is five minutes.

[00:10:24] But I'm working my way up. But I'll start a timer for five minutes and start typing literally anything and everything. That comes into my brain and I don't stop to correct my grammar or reread a sentence or to look for spelling mistakes. Like I will just type, type, type, type. And sometimes I'll just key smash cause I'm like, I need to keep this going, but I don’t know what to say.

[00:10:44] Josie: Yeah. Wait, what was the word you used? Key smash? 

[00:10:48] Anna: Typed or, yeah. Key smash. Type smash. 

[00:10:50] Josie: Key smash. Yeah. I love that. I've never heard that before. 

[00:10:53] Anna: Like as long as my fingers don't like, leave the keyboard, 

[00:10:57] Josie: Stop typing. Okay, interesting. 

[00:10:59] Anna: Exactly. So, yes, I'll do this for like five minutes and I think for me it's a really great way for myself to regulate my, my whole body really, especially my brain, when I'm having a dysregulated moment. Especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed or anxious, like I'll do this on my laptop or my phone. I used to write in my journals, but my handwriting is not quick enough to catch up to what my brain is saying. 

[00:11:26] Josie: Yes, I can relate to that. 

[00:11:28] Anna: Yeah. Like, it cannot, and my brain is so chatty that I need to start being in a typing platform instead. And yeah. I'm finding that the best times for me to do this is right in the mornings. Cause like, when I'm experiencing dreams, I wanna remember them right away. 

[00:11:45] So I'm like, I need my laptop.  Like, I gotta write this down. Or right before I go to bed so I can empty out that chatter box brain that I have before I do a big sleep. Or it's also fun to do voice notes because like you just don't stop talking for five minutes and then you start saying really random things and then you listen to it and you replay it and you're like, I'm hilarious. 

[00:12:06] I love this. And you, you really get to enjoy yourself. You're like, what am I saying? I think when I'm like, just allowing myself to think, think, think. Write, write, write, I get to really witness me. Like what does my brain actually say? Like, what thoughts do I actually have?

[00:12:26] And, it doesn't feel, I don't feel alone when I'm doing it. I feel like I'm talking to myself or witnessing myself and it's so cool. It's, for me, it's the, it's the same version of like, have you ever stared at yourself in the mirror? Just fully like sat down or stood up in front of a mirror and looked at yourself.

[00:12:45] Like it's kind of creepy, it's kinda freaky. But you do get to access yourself in that way. And free writing is just another one of those ways that you can do that. 

[00:12:59] Axé: I love this parallel between our work. I know when you said that it makes me think of Axé, which is also my name, but Axé is also like an affirmation or a signal that we feel the spirit. That we feel like we have expressed our highest self in our whole embodied self. For me that means what does that mean for you to get connected to your spirit, into your highest self.

[00:13:29] What are those tools? And in fact I've got, I will share this with you all, but I published a document called 111 personal rituals for the Embodied Revolution.

[00:13:45] Josie: Yes, I looked at that document. It's wonderful. 

[00:13:49] Axé: Ah, thank you. And so those are basically my top 111 ways to tap into essence, and there's a variety of ways of doing that. I'm a big writer. I still do. Julia Cameron's morning pages practically every morning.

[00:14:01] And so, that's one way to tap into essence is like, I think to get into your essence. You have to be connected to yourself, and that means that you probably need to be connected to how you're feeling in the moment.

[00:14:23] And being able to express that in some way. And so writing is a way to do that. Visioning. I love creating like vision books and vision boards and getting the hands into the mix. Playing with the pastels, playing with the paints that it might not be apparent at first, but that you can reveal your essence and your understanding to yourself and. Again, this nature connection.

[00:14:44] I literally am that person you will see hugging trees in the middle of the parkway. Out here in Park Hill, and just like sniffing and hugging and but like really just, you know, this earth and nature devotion. 

[00:15:13] I'm also A chant. I chant nam myoho renge kyo. I pray. And I set lots of intentions and make lots of ritual. Even like just lighting candles and burning sage. It's just like, What are those ways that tap you back into your divinity? Cause I think that's really what we're talking about.

[00:15:38] It's like, who did you come here to be without all of this other crap. And layers that are, you know, constantly distractions to our higher selves. And so what are those practices? I take a lot of baths and. I dance a lot. I dance almost every day. 

[00:16:09] Dr. Sand: I have my own spiritual practice, my own meditation practice, and that is something that I rely on to be able to return to myself. Or recognize when I'm abandoning myself. So I would say that's really important. And then the other practice that's so prominent in my life, and it's, it's part of my work but it's very much part of my life practice. 

[00:16:34] The Internal Family systems model. So as an IFS therapist, you know, yeah. It's part of my work, but it's very much how I relate to myself and how I relate to my own embodiment. And befriending of myself and returning to a sense of groundedness in who I am. 

[00:17:02] And that is through being able to listen within to the different parts of me that need. My care and my connection. And so, so yeah, that's, that's a huge part of my life and my practice at this point. So internal family systems or IFS is, is a therapy model. It's not a perfect one. Like, it's imperfect like anything else, you know? So I wanna just say that. And it is about you know, there are some embedded in assumptions in this is that we all have multiplicity. 

[00:17:28] And something I like about that is that there I have a lot of aspects of identity that are not necessarily, you know, Congruent or consistent all the time. There's this recognition that we don't have to be, you know, one consistent being right. That there are these different parts of us that if we are able to listen to them and work with them and help them, that we can find a sense of inner harmony and not be so taken over by certain parts at certain times.

[00:17:59] So like the, it's hard. It's kind of hard to explain, but the idea is that, maybe one way to think about it is that I am a loving, you know, witness to these different parts of me that really need my care. So some people might think of it as reparenting.

[00:18:21] People might think of it as like inner child work, but in IFS there's like many, many children, inner children and young parts in there. So yeah, and that's something that I have just started teaching to other queer and trans therapists, which is really delightful and like so beautiful and magical to have that space. To learn this practice in a space that's not cis or white dominated. 

[00:18:50] Resham: I write, I feel, I grieve. I, like I said, I've moved through life without much ritual actually. And that's probably a conscious choice. Trying different things is kind of a ritual or practice for me. It's a way for me to remember. What I don't know. And to continually kind of be in touch with my preconceived notions, which are usually wrong, and historic.

[00:19:22] Because historically when I think that for myself, when I think that I know too much, I get to be a bit of an asshole. So as a practice of mine, I like we've talked about, of just sitting more comfortably in the unknowing. And I do that by putting myself in unexpected places is like one way.

[00:19:47] My relationships help me. Paying attention to them help me a lot. I also step into discomfort to test weird fucked up voices in my head. That's a lot of, I think what I do on social media. I have some like, pretty negative voices in my head that try to make me live. I think in a small way, smaller, so many of my personal practices are to create experiences or memories that prove this one voice in my head wrong.

[00:20:21] But also I would say what I, in terms of ritual and practice that I do, my femme ancestors, Like did not have the freedoms and choices that I take. In many ways, I'm like the first of my lineage to be able to live as freely as I do. And I am trying to just keep that at the forefront, always, because you know, as a divorced, queer, non-monogamous, single co-parent.

[00:20:52] My work is to embody as much of my liberated self as I can each day. And to take responsibility for the fact that I can do all these things.  So even if it's like I just cook a very decadent meal just for myself and eat it. If that means something sexual, if that means like painting with my child, if that means choosing a career for myself that looks unlike anything I have seen.

[00:21:25] Or choosing work that allows me to be with my children. Like, I think all of these choices are also responsibilities for me. And I try to, a sort of connectedness with my ancestors makes me do everything with that sense of responsibility, even pleasure. It's not like really for me, like a yoga or like what I eat or anything. 

[00:21:54] It's like just that I have to remember certain things constantly. Otherwise I start doing things that are not in alignment with me being in my fullest power, I guess. And self so that my practice is just remembering some things that allow me to show up in my best self.

[00:22:24] Brandi: Therapy is a huge part of me, staying in my whole self. During my fertility journey, all the tools that I have now, I wish I had back then. But when you know better, you do better.

[00:22:43] But it just, I don't think I have very many practices now. I do. I try to incorporate self care and being gentle on myself and, I practice words of affirmation, you know, with, with myself, but also with my son.

[00:22:55] And just looking at ourselves in the mirror and connecting. I think just for a large part of my life, I disassociated. So I was never fully in my body, so I could never fully be present. And that's actually something, me and my, my girlfriend are working on. You know, she's like, I would love if you'd be more present. 

[00:23:13] Like, you're very tentative every day. This, that and the other. She's like, but sometimes you just, and it's just trauma response, you know? So finding out, where that is and just. Just really, eating clean and drinking the juices and drinking the water and we don't wanna do it and it tastes like grass, but we gotta do it.

[00:23:41] Dominique: I recently started therapy. 

[00:23:44] Josie: Yes. Love it. 

[00:23:47] Dominique: And that's been helping tremendously. Helping me connect with my soul, my essence. Go to therapy people. I don't even know what more to say about that. Also, again, I talk about us learning our spirituality together. It's really motivated me to learn my spirituality individually too. So I journal a lot. So that's one of the practices that that I do is just journal my thoughts. That's how I become connected with soul, my, I forgot what you said. 

[00:24:18] Josie: The essence or your Whole Self. 

[00:24:19] Dominique: Essence. I love that, I love that. That's how I become connected with my essence. That's how I talk to myself. Is through journaling.

[00:24:26] Ariel: How I connect to my essence is Yoga. Yoga and meditation are my go-to things. I wanna get to a place where it's daily, but right now it's about twice a week and I do morning, I do sunrise yoga. So it's, it's fantastic to start my days like that, to really get in touch with who I am, ground myself. I am enough.

[00:24:48] I'm worthy, I'm loved. That's how I get in touch with my essence.

I make sure that I flex my my solar plexus. I make sure that I am in tune with my root chakra, all of those things.

[00:25:06] Gab: One thing that, I guess I would consider this like a personal practice that helps me like reconnect to my essence or my whole self is, actually just being in outside in a nature. Hopefully as green or close to the ocean as possible, and just walk and just be in that moment and take in the earth for a second because I get so disconnected from it.

[00:25:35] And even more so in this like completely digital world. I get so caught in the air that I have to like fully ground and like separate myself from, from these devices and everything. So that's my practice. 

[00:25:59] Shayda: Because I often disassociate, either from external traumas, we were briefly talking about all the things that are happening around us right now in very embodied ways traumatic ways. Or whether I'm disassociating because of some internal anxiety, depression. I really appreciated this question because I was thinking and realizing that a lot of the things I wrote down, are ways of remembering that I am embodied. 

[00:26:38] And so, you know, I was thinking, okay, so some small things are sitting in the sun to feel heat. 

[00:26:49] Laying in a bathtub and then standing up from that and realizing I have weight. Gardening without gloves is a very grounding ritual practice for me. Seeing the dirt under your nails and feeling the dirt under your nails and you're looking at roots and touching roots. Yoga practices, things that are making me remember that I have a body, when so often I forget. 

[00:27:26] Josie: Totally. Mm-hmm. 

[00:27:28] Shayda: So those were some of the rituals that I was thinking about that distanced me from that forgetting and moved me closer toward an idea of wholeness, and at least these examples, they're embodied forms of wholeness, tangible forms of wholeness.

[00:27:51] Zena: Yeah, I was really thinking about like, what does this look like for me and my life now, right? Where my days feel really full, with the work of caring for our kids and, and caring for my co-parents as we care for each other, working a full-time job.

[00:28:13] So I feel like I'm, I'm needing to be like quite intentional about how I find those spaces. And a really important one for me as like an Avowed morning person is waking up before everybody else and even just having half an hour at five in the morning to like drink a cup of coffee, redo a little bit of writing.

[00:28:27] And I feel like that allows me to like nourish the part of me that's a writer and that loves to think and create and be in dialogue with the work of others and build community like through, through this work that I do as a writer. 

[00:28:41] So that feels really important to me. And you know, something else I'm doing that feels really nourishing is, when my co-parent was getting close to having the twins, I was noticing just like having some complex feelings coming up about parenting that I could pretty quickly diagnose were about like old stuff. 

[00:28:58] Cuz I've done lots of therapy over the years and so I found a new counselor, you know, and she is so wonderful. I just have phone appointments with her every couple weeks and she's someone that has a really, like an embodied kind of form of practice. And so just that invitation to be in my body with someone who is a really compassionate witness. 

[00:29:19] Feels really like an important resource to be able to continue offering to myself, especially through a time when things feel, yeah, feel, feel, you know, joyfully, intense, and sometimes overwhelming in terms of what we have to do in any given day.

[00:29:42] Khye: Yoga, definitely yoga. If I don't do yoga at least twice a week. It's not pretty for anybody. That really helps me connect to the essence of who I am. Yeah. Really integrate what I'm learning with my whole body. And I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but also masturbation.

[00:30:05] Josie: Yeah. Heck yeah. You can definitely say that. No one has said that yet, and I'm kind of surprised. 

[00:30:11] Khye: Yeah. It helps, like, honestly, it helps me move a lot of the energy that gets stuck in my body, especially after a birth. Yeah, it's just, it really, really, really helps me connect to my essence and to not get caught up in all the, all the things. That get kind of caught up in me on a day-to-day basis. If you've read The Body Keeps the Score, that's what he talks about. 

[00:30:38] Josie:  I have that recommended to me so many times I need to read it. 

[00:30:41] Khye: Yeah. Which I feel like I heard somewhere that like, he's not the originator of those thoughts. But either way it's, I think it's solid to read. But he talks about how your hips hold a lot of tension and a lot of trauma.

[00:30:55] And I know for me it's my hips and my shoulders. All this neck, shoulders also holds a lot for me. And so I think in general, Those are where we can expect trauma to be in our bodies. But also each of us probably has our own thing as well. You know, some people it's like the left knee or you know, whatever else.

[00:31:18] So like where do you hold trauma? And I connect it with like, what part of your body is tight? Which is where I think yoga comes in of like, I need to loosen up my hips, or I need to open up my shoulders and open up my chest because I've been hunching over, or my shoulders have been up by my ears.

[00:31:36] Yeah. And so really focusing on opening up those parts of my body that that tend to hold a lot of trauma and tension Has been really helpful for me. 

[00:31:50] Zoë: Yeah. That's another thing that was really developed and fortified for me during the pandemic. And just feeling in a place of like, how am I supposed to survive this? Not just physically, but spiritually, emotionally, energetically, how am I supposed to be in this? And so that was the start for me of a lot more intention around altar practice and ancestor work. 

[00:32:16] Because the only thing that could come up for me was, well, those before you survived, thrived, endured, lived, still laughed, still cried through times far more challenging, far more violent. Far more persecutory, if that's even a word. So that is in me, and how can I remember and access that?

[00:32:46] So that is definitely something that has become far more critical for me, and I'm so thankful, and I wish I'd been doing it for much longer, but I'm glad that it, that these practices have come to me when they have. It has provided a grounding space and a way to get really quiet when there's so much noise.

[00:33:09] You know, psychological noise, spiritual noise, emotional noise. Just in the ether. And it also provides me a landing place for, as opposed to moving from a reactionary place when the next violent atrocity has occurred in our society. So that has been really critical for me. I've been really, another plug for an incredibly influential person in their work.

[00:33:39] The Nap Ministry. Aka the Nap Bishop who is a, her teachings around rest as resistance and the radical nature of oppressed people resting. In a society that wants us to do everything else, but that I've also been trying to work with intention and how to incorporate more radical rest into my life.

[00:34:06] And that helps give me space and capacity to witness and acknowledge and affirm others' rest. So that's been really important. Therapy. And I've been blessed to be in relationship with a black queer therapist for about four, almost five years now. And is another, again, like it's not just self-care, quote unquote, it's community care.

[00:34:35] It's an interdependent care. Relationships, another place where boundaries are fortified. Like when my therapist is like, all right, time is up, I gotta go. And I'm like, no, you're supposed to be here for me as much as I need. No, Zoë. That's not real. That's not real. Your therapist has a life. And then that space closes until the next time.

[00:35:01] So that even just the way that we interact as therapists and client has taught me so much more about how I interact with people I care for. The lessons that are learned and the practices that are developed during our sessions. I think the more I attempt to decolonialize my own life and figure out what that practice is in relation to the reality of the ridiculous amount of privilege I am afforded as a physician in the United States is part of the what, what bores from that. Is what fortifies my whole self. Is what fortifies my essence, is what allows me to feel grounded down and connected out.

[00:35:51] Malori: I'm building those. And acupuncture is a big part of that. Dance is a part of that. 

[00:36:00] Josie: Oh, nice. What kind of dance? 

[00:36:03] Malori: Bachata. I have a history of sexual trauma and it was from a family member and I remember like dancing the juvenile back that ass up. And really like getting in low with it, right? 

[00:36:25] And he was just like, yeah, no, absolutely. Stop that. Don't ever do that. Blah, blah, blah. And so like I had dissociated for my body, right? I dissociated from myself. Like it was just. But I also, really I still like protected him in various ways and now all of it is out. But for myself and like really kind of like bringing back all the parts that I had, like shunted off.

[00:36:52] Dance was like, I mean, when I tell you I had like, I had lost all my rhythm. Like I was dogged in high school for not being able to dance. You know, like how you gonna be, how you not gonna be, you ain't got no rhythm. My friends are trying to teach me, you know, could not, could not get it. And as I've like, come to really just like, know more of who I am.

[00:37:22] Dance has come back around for me to get close to and to embody like the sexiness and the sensuality that like bachata. I don't know if you've, have you ever danced bachata? 

[00:37:33] Josie: No, what is it? I'm unfamiliar with that. 

[00:37:36] Malori: Yeah. It's a Dominican dance and it was actually pretty, it's kind of seen as like ghetto or like lowly, like if you were to look in class systems, but it's, it's become a lot more popular or like, it's like backyard dancing.

[00:37:51] Because it's very sensual. But it's being embraced and being taught all over the world. Now in step with salsa. Salsa's more common. I think that's out of Cuba. But yeah bachata is you. I'll send you some, I'll send you some accounts. It, yeah. It's so much fun. 

[00:38:16] And yeah, I live like a mile away from a studio and they teach both and I did 30 days of classes. I tend to go hard.

[00:38:39] Jovan: I definitely have a variety of rituals and practices. I think for me, like cause I love that idea of the essence. And as you know, somebody who works on the auric and the etheric levels as an energy practitioner, it's so resonant for me. But I think one of the biggest practices, and it's one of the simplest practices. 

[00:39:12]  Is being able to come back to ourselves like energetically, mentally, physically, and actually, being able to just tap into ourselves, to tap into our body and to actually connect ourselves to the earth. And to also connect ourselves to Spirit, or to the universe. And so for me, you know, having that connection that's like at our root and also having that connection that's at our crown is something that is just so grounding. 

[00:39:34] And it's just a really beautiful reminder to come back to self and to come back to that interconnectedness, to the Earth as well as to the universe, and to Spirit. The other part of my practices is like I am a sex doula. So of course, pleasure practice is so important. Wherever it feels safe for you to cultivate a practice with yourself that is about receiving pleasure, around giving yourself pleasure, receiving pleasure in ways that feel affirming for yourself, for your identity, for your fertility, for your gender, you know, whatever those different things are coming up for you.

[00:40:19] Connecting into your own personal pleasure practice is, it's just so amazing to be able to like give yourself like that joy and that pleasure without worrying about what anyone else is doing or what else is happening in the world because so much is happening. But being able to tap into that for yourself I think is just so important and I think it's so important for your fertility journey.

[00:40:45] Meenadchi: I will be honest. The first thing that came to mind was my love for Doritos. I was like, Doritos. 

[00:40:53] Josie: I love it.

[00:40:55] Meenadchi: Oh my God. I think the idea that anything like, we don't have to be so serious with it. You know? I mean, this is totally serious shit. But also, yeah, we don't have to be so serious with it.

[00:41:06] Do the things that build your life. Love your life. Enjoy your life. So definitely me and my Doritos, laughter, dance. My tarot cards are a big, big, you know, shout out to Jana Lynne Umipig for the Kapwa Tarot cause that has been such a gift to my world. 

[00:41:30] And then I also have a teacher who I call my magic teacher so shout out to Zhaleh and to my magic partner Buddy, where there's just like a particular process that I have been given, received of like how to set a sacred container energetically, and then can then enter the container. You know, you clear the space, invite in energies, et cetera. And then that can be a place to ask questions and to receive answers.

[00:41:56] And I think that is a place that I have learned to go often when I feel like I can't find myself. Or I can't track my intuition, what is it telling me to say? Where should I go next? That there. It's a literal physical space, even though it may not be physical in like the earth realm way or something like that. But there is a place that I can go to ask questions and to re-meet me. 

[00:42:26] Liam: I will say that as a very young parent, I got pregnant when I was 21. I had a baby at 22. Even before coming out, I didn't have a lot of family support. And what I really felt like was you could open a book of parenting advice to find any answer you wanna find. And really it's about your gut feeling.

[00:42:52] And so I've always used my gut to guide my decisions around my parenting. You know, it's easy to get lost in your brain. But if you tap into that innate, embodied wisdom, that's always that it's, it's never gonna lead you wrong. Never gonna leave you astray. Because there's all these other opinions out there about like, what's gonna be right for you and what you know about yourself.

[00:43:17] And ultimately once you have a baby, what's gonna be right for your baby? Cause nobody knows your baby as well as you do. As I have gone into midwifery practice and I am now, you know, midwifing people over Zoom and across state lines and international boundaries, I find that as long as I am tuning into that embodied wisdom, not only about what I feel is right for the communities that I'm serving, but also what's right for me as an individual and what really can I take on and do well.

[00:43:54] And what am I energetically tapped into and staying connected with that is something that has, that consistently proves to be like, there is an energetic loop. If I have an aspect of my practice that I'm not paying attention to, it doesn't flourish. And as soon as I blow a little bit of energy into it, pretty soon here comes the, you know, people are scheduling or people are buying things from the web store.

[00:44:21] Like it really is an energetic exchange. And currently, I've put out this new platform for my program. Same programs I've always run, but it's on this new platform and I can't feel it. I've lost the pulse because I have other people putting that together for me. I'm showing up to do the groups, but I don't totally understand how this new platform works.

[00:44:47] So I'm currently like in this, this vulnerable, like I don't quite know how to drive this part. I know how to drive the car, but I know how to drive this car, and so I'm not totally in touch and so, like, my next to-do is to really get in and, and figure out that platform simply for the energetic loop to be coming back through. 

[00:45:10] Because it is a container and I'm holding that container. So if I don't have that embodied in me and I don't have the energy flowing where I'm really tapped into it, then it's not gonna land where I want it to land. And I think that that's, you know, the other thing that I will say about midwifery is obviously every midwife approaches their practice differently, but there is this term of spiritual midwifery that can, mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

[00:45:41] And the book, Spiritual Midwifery, we all, all now know Ina May is a homophobe, or transphobe, maybe a homophobe too, I don't know. But that there, there is potential. Within the field of midwifery to utilize that sort of energetic framework that we're trying to get our, that we're trying to also then be able to model and convey to parents to do that.

[00:46:05]  And so not all midwives carry that perspective and carry that through their work. And sometimes it just has to do with, you know, healthcare contexts and what we have to navigate as providers. But it is part of the advantage of having some selection in the midwife that you choose and, understanding that there are different types of midwives and as we're all individuals, we're all gonna approach it differently.

[00:46:31] Yeah. You need to find a provider that's appropriate for you. Really think about what you're wanting out of your midwifery care and keep shopping around until you find it. 

[00:46:46] Raven:  I would definitely say playing my harp. I have this little reverie harp and anytime I can sing and play harp, I feel super connected to my essence, and play. Play is really important for me too. I just started learning how to roller skate and I just feel like if it, it totally lifts me up and just, It feels like me. 

[00:47:08] And it feels, I feel that creative power and that energy so strongly.

[00:47:16] Atava: Definitely, yeah. Well, really everything, everything that's in the book, I mean, for me, a big part of me connecting with my essence is connecting with nature, connecting with the Earth and the plants. So that, that's a big part of it. I mean, for me, I feel like the plants have saved my life more than once, but it's also the, it's a reflection again.

[00:47:45] There's so much chaos and static in the human world right now. Maybe always, but definitely right now, like, you know, there's something about being in nature. I can feel who I am. Without all of that noise. So just being outside. I mean, today there's several things going on, like what I told you. And I also have a dear friend who's beginning her death journey.

[00:48:05] So I was like, I just, even though it's cold, it's Albuquerque, it's 20 degrees. I was like, I'm going outside. I have to walk around. Because this will remind me of that, the part of me that's part of a bigger Cosmovision. I am a human, but someday I will be in the dirt.

[00:48:28] Worms will be crawling through me. Hopefully, I would like to be composted. I would say, you know, the other practices, I mean, for me, every day just starting my day with, with prayer and meditation and reflecting on my dreams. That's really important to me just to touch in, to set that kind of charge my energy filled with my spirit.

[00:48:56] And with downloads from great Spirit Cosmos, ancestors before I interface with technology, all of that. And then, you know, in the book that inner curanderx meditation, like that's really just about listening to our intuition. I've had for the past eight years, a lot of health journeys. Like I'm really on a continuous health journey, including surviving cancer. 

[00:49:25] And so that practice of tuning in, it's like, what does my body need today? What does my spirit need? Like, just to really trust that. Cuz I think our intuition is so wise. It's just learning, literally learning how to listen to it and, and with the way healthcare is like, I think we need that because doctors aren't given the time and space to really know us and know what we need on a deeper level.

[00:49:51] And, and then for the moments, which there are many, when things come along that throw me off balance or the aires, the emotional challenges arise. It, are those practices, the self limpias, the baños. I did one, I did a baño last night. It's just a regular part of my life to tend to myself that way. 

[00:50:14] And that was really important to me as an author. Like, I feel like I could only write about things that I was actively engaged in, in a very regular way. Like I didn't wanna write about things that I hadn't really worked on myself, and with whatever is arising in my life.

[00:50:38] So, yeah. I think those are the ways, and of course all the other things, eating good food, time with friends, petting my cat, hugging my sweetie. All of those things are maintaining my essence. And, and I think it's just, I love that concept cuz it's like, what nurtures that?

[00:50:59] And what takes away from that. Like we could just look at everything in our lives and I'm like, wow. No wonder we're feeling stressed and sick and outta balance. Cuz if we're just like in traffic, and in a stressful job, and in a stressful relationship. And person because of our skin color or identity, we're target of hate in society.

[00:51:21] Like, it's hard to be bright and full of your essence. So I really feel like I said that, and it's Audre Lorde who said it first, self-care is a political act, like taking care of ourselves when the forces of the world are trying every hard to, you know, steal our essence, or diminish it.

[00:51:44] I do think that's again a way to be very political by taking care of ourselves, and then extending that to the care of our community. Like that was another point I hopefully comes across to my book. It's not just enough to be well right and take care of ourselves, but we are part of a circle.

[00:52:08] We're part of our community. Like we heal in community. And I feel like it's a responsibility for those of us who've had the privilege to receive teachings of whatever it is, acupuncture or reiki or curanderismo like, it's our responsibility to offer this to our community. And, and especially the ones who don't have access.

[00:52:30] So that's, I hope, where we're moving in the future. I'm gonna start visioning it out, like just more spaces that do that. And also at the same time, find finding ways to resource support the healers. Who are offering those services. 

[00:52:53] Nicola: So there's a couple of hobbies that I've started taking up in the past couple of years that really, really kind of helped me connect with who I am and just bring me so much joy. The first one is cold water swimming. 

[00:53:10] Josie: Oh, wow. Oh, cold water swimming. Oh my gosh.

[00:53:13] Nicola: In the winter. It's just, there's something about it that is so magical. So where we live, there are a couple of lakes that we can go to in the winter and it just, it brings my body alive in a way that nothing else does. It's just, yeah the sensations and the, I've read, there's quite a lot of research about why it's really effective for helping folks with like depression and mental health issues, and they talk about it as this, like micro stress.

[00:53:42] So being in the cold water puts your body in this like micro stress and it means that you can't think about all those other things that your brain often consumes itself with. Like your body is really focused on this moment and being present. And it's a really, it feels like a very magical, very spiritual experience.

[00:54:03] It's just beautiful. And the other thing that I've been doing is practicing on my piano. So I don't play the piano well. I love playing music, but I'm not, brilliant at it, but there's something really magical about not being good at it. I can just show up. It's for me only, it doesn't matter if it's awful, but it just, I think it's something about really being present with it and it filling my brain in a way that means I can't be in the past or in the future, thinking about other things.

[00:54:31] It really grounds me and brings me kind of into that present moment. But yeah, I mean as well for me, something that I've been doing recently is I've been exploring a potential diagnosis of ADHD. And when I read this question that you often ask, it was for me, it really brought up this idea of the process that I'm going through, the moment of learning how to unmask.

[00:54:55] So for a lot of folks who have neurodivergencies, they learn how to present in the world and how to show up in the world and be quote unquote normal. So a lot process of me learning more about neurodivergence and ADHD has been looking at how I unpeel those layers and unpeel that masking. And that really kind of reminds me of this idea of kind of finding yourself and bringing yourself back to kind of your essence and who your Whole Self is. So yeah. A lot of exploration going on. 

[00:55:32] Josie: Thanks for listening to the Intersectional Fertility podcast. To get customized fertility recommendations based on your Whole Self Fertility Method element, join my mailing list at intersectionalfertility.com and get immediate access to my two minute quiz. If you like the show and want to hear more, tap subscribe on your favorite podcast platform and please leave us a review, it really truly helps. 

[00:55:57] The Intersectional Fertility Podcast is hosted by me, Josie Rodriguez-Bouchier, and produced by Rozarie Productions with original music by Jen Korte.

All content offered through The Intersectional Fertility Podcast is created for informational purposes only, it is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.